


Undercover

by jilyss



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Blood, But it's there, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Slow Burn, Undercover, Undercover as a Couple, b99 inspired, be careful tho it does have some graphic scenes - not too bad, death tw, jily, this is enemies to coworkers to fake relationship to ????, violence tw, you'll find out
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-05-19
Packaged: 2019-10-04 14:05:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17305994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jilyss/pseuds/jilyss
Summary: Lily Evans, a top recruit, is sent to infiltrate Riddle's gang. When she successfully returns, she has to somehow readjust to normal life,  navigate her new job, and protect herself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello all! I've had this sitting in my drafts forever, and I finally finished it up. hope you enjoy, and please leave a review!

A shout was heard from the outside, a scream, and then the distant echo of a gun. The door to room banged open, and Lily Evans dropped her glass. A swat team entered, guns pointed at the guests. 

She had been expecting it and crossed her fingers as she raised her hands. The guests surrounding her, half drunk or high, jerked at the sound of the incoming officers and panicked. Some began running around her, and several pulled out their own guns and shooting into the crowd of officers. A few people fell down, some to avoid the bullets, some already injured. Lily dropped to the ground, leaning heavily against the wall. A man next to her dove head first through a window and the spray of glass shards cut into her arms. 

Through the broken window, she could see a perimeter of officers surrounding the mansion, trapping them in. Fights broke out as figures from the party tried to break through the line. Lily turned her head back to the scene surrounding her. A man she recognized as Dolohov ran up the stairs, shooting at the officers in pursuit behind him. The officer went down, cursing as his leg gave out. Another officer jumped forward, shooting a round of shots up the stairs. Dolohov went down, falling down the stairs to rest, dead on the ground. Eyes smarting, she shut her eyes, unwilling to see any more blood or gore.

As an undercover agent, working to infiltrate the Riddle crime ring, she had seen her fair share of violence. The Riddle family was long known as dangerous and powerful but never had been pinned down to any one crime. With Lily Evans, a fierce girl and one of the department’s top recruits as a witness, the Riddle family would finally face justice.

An officer grabbed her roughly, snapping a pair of handcuffs on her. She kept her fingers crossed but made no move to talk with the officer, hoping he understood who she was. She was pushed roughly into the back of a police car, waiting for almost half an hour while the medics and police rushed in and out of the large manor. After watching for a few minutes, she laid her head on the seat in front of her, eyes closed, trying to calm herself. _I can go home now. I can go home now._ She repeated to herself, over and over, trying to calm herself down. As she settled down a little, a man, tall, with dark hair and black-rimmed glasses slid into the driver's seat. He turned around, and said “Favorite food?”

“Spaghetti,” Lily muttered. 

“Nice to meet you, Lily. I’m James Potter. Welcome back.”

“They need a better code than ‘spaghetti’,’” Lily responded roughly. A smile touched his lips as Lily glanced at him. 

“Rabastan Lestrange is traveling with you to the prison, just to make sure he still thinks you are on his side. Once there, we will split you up, debrief you, you’ll tell us everything you know, and you can go home.”

“How is my family?”

“Safe. And your father is doing well.”

Lily let out a shaky breath. _Almost free._

“You ready?”

Lily took a second to respond. “You need to punch me.”

“What?”

“Punch me before Lestrange gets here. I don’t want him to think I came quietly. Do it quick.” 

James shot her a pained look before opening his door and climbing into the back with her. “Quick -” Lily started before he punched her, _hard_ , right in the eye. 

“It’ll swell up quick,” he muttered, climbing back out. Lily groaned as a headache began to form. “Sorry.”

Lestrange, a beefy man, was shoved into the car a minute later, cursing bitterly. Potter talked to another officer for a minute, before shifting the car into drive and pulling away. Lestrange continued a stream of curses, before realizing Lily was in the car with him. He trailed off before looking her up and down appreciatively. She was wearing a lacy tight, low cut black crop top, really no more than a bralette, paired with a ripped pair of blue jeans, with racy high heel sandals. He leaned over and whispered quietly in her ear, then ran his lips gently over her ear. 

“Back off Lestrange, I’d rather not screw a rat with a mouth,” Lily said, unflinchingly, not even sparing him a glance. She had a part to play, and she knew how to play it well. Lestrange glared, but reached out his cuffed hands and placed them on her knee, tracing patterns on her thigh, angling his head closer to her.

“Heard you got close to Rosier before he died. He called you the best screw since Elena Nott. Told me how you could do _things_ with your tongue. Wouldn’t mind that royal treatment, babe.”

“I wouldn’t trust him on that. He was the worst screw I’ve ever had. Almost like he’d never had a girl before.”

Lestrange grinned crookedly and pulled his hand away. “One day doll, I’ll get ya.”

Lily smiled and winked at him, then turned away, pulling her hair out of her face as best as she could. Turning back around, intending to insult his outfit, she saw Lestrange, holding a gun in his lap. Fumbling, he pulled out the magazine, checking for bullets, then slid it back into the gun. Lily’s eyes widened as he pointed the gun at Potter’s head, briefly considering her options. If she stopped Lestrange, she would be in danger. He would know that she was the traitor who had turned them all in, and she would be a target for the rest of her life. But if she didn’t stop Lestrange, Potter would be dead. Unable to watch another innocent man hurt, she made a split second decision, she swung her legs up, knocking the gun away just as he fired. The bullet shattered the window, and Potter slammed on the brakes, jerking the car around, narrowly avoiding other cars. 

Lestrange still held the gun and began to raise it again, but Lily drove her high heel into his stomach, and dove for the gun, trying to get a grip on it with her hands still cuffed. Lestrange was too strong and managed to get one more shot off before Potter pulled Lestrange out of the car. The wild shot hit Lily’s leg, and she gasped as pain scorched her leg. 

Lestrange was a lot bigger than Potter and seemed to be winning the fight, even with cuffed hands. By the time Lily had gotten to the other side, the gun was on the ground, and Potter had fallen down. Grabbing the gun, Lestrange held up the gun towards Potter on the ground, smiling. 

“I will shoot,” He said, backing away slowly, and Lily believed him. He gestured for her to get down, and Lily slowly kneeled down next to Potter, hands above her head. Lestrange continued to walk backward. Cars whizzed by on the other side of the highway as if oblivious to the commotion, while traffic neatly danced around in the other lanes. 

Lily was cursing under her breath, going over ways to absolutely murder Potter. Lestrange began jogging, then turned and bolted down the highway towards an exit. 

Lily leaped up and grabbed a gun from the back while Potter opened the trunk, throwing her a bulletproof vest. “What were you thinking? I _had_ him. Now he knows I’m the informant, and he’s getting away! And you just let him out of the car? He’s one of the _worst_!” 

“It wasn’t safe with you alone, handcuffed to fight a man with a gun. What was I supposed to do?” Potter glared as Lily spluttered, and turned to radio in the news, while Lily grabbed his key and uncuffed herself. Swearing bitterly, she began sprinting after Lestrange. Ahead of her, Lestrange had just reached the intersection. Although he was strong, he wasn’t fast, and Lily could reach him easily. Potter was running next to her, pulling away slowly and gesturing to the traffic to watch out. 

Lily, determined to keep up, matched his long legs pace for pace until he turned right and she swerved left to try and cut him off. Lestrange turned right, heading directly in between traffic. Potter cursed as he was narrowly missed by a car and Lily was almost in range when he turned around and fired a round. She dropped to the ground and to the side, she could see Potter drop as well. She heard sirens screeching in the distance, and she prayed that they would come soon. Lestrange couldn’t get away. She had worked too hard for this - everything, really, for him to blow her cover. 

Lestrange was on the other side of the street now, and Lily was up again, running. A police car whizzed around the corner, swerving quickly to block Lestrange’s path. He raised his gun to fire, but the magazine was empty. A man jumped out of the police car, pulling his gun out. Lestrange turned to run, but Lily had her gun up, and Potter came in, blocking his last route of escape. 

“Put the gun down,” the man from the car ordered, finger on the trigger. He walked up slowly, and let the tip of the gun press against Lestrange’s head. Lestrange’s face twisted into a glare, and he dropped the empty gun on the ground. More screaming sirens pulled closer, and in an instant, Lestrange was on the ground and handcuffed. Once he was securely detained, Lily strode over to Potter. “I can’t believe you,” she hissed, turning to Potter, who slowly holstered his gun, rolling his eyes. She was so angry she couldn’t stop herself from shouting. “You complete arse, absolute ugliest cow I’ve _ever_ seen -” 

The man who had handcuffed Lestrange approached cautiously. “You’re bleeding. And what happened to your eye?” The man was tall and lanky, and he had a big police jacket over his vest, and somehow despite it, managed to look like nothing like a cop, with shaggy hair, stubble, and a tattoo hidden on his collarbone, just visible under his shirt. 

Lily shrugged, barely glancing down to asses the damage to her leg. “Nothing big. How in the _bloody_ \- how did he get a gun?”

Potter forced her to lean against a car and knelt down to look at her calf. “It’s not too bad, but you’ll definitely need stitches. And Evans, calm down. He’s taken care of.”

“I’m fine. It’s not bad.”

“You’ll lose too much blood,” The man said.

Lily ignored him, and approached the captain, McGonagall, and explained the situation. Lestrange was one of the smarter criminals, always thinking ahead. Everything he touched either shriveled or grew instantly - and the smallest comment set him off, incurring his wrath. It hadn’t been easy to keep out of his large reach, even in the six months she had been undercover. She shivered just thinking about what would have happened if he _had_ escaped and said a silent to _thank you_ to the man who had gotten there in time. 

She leaned against the car, ignoring the burn in her leg, until a girl named Marlene McKinnon, forcibly brought Lily over to a paramedic. Because the bullet had only grazed her thigh, it only took a few minutes for her to get cleaned up. She refused to take the crutch, insisting that the stitches weren’t going to open and that she was fine. When she was reluctantly released, she limped towards Potter, who was laughing with the shaggy-haired man. Or, at least, she tried to walk. 

But her leg gave out, and Captain McGonagall saw her stumble. As everyone began to clear out, Marlene helped her into the car and drove her back to the station. Before Lily even had time to properly think or process the fact that her life was about to be completely upset for the second time in six months, McGonagall and several FBI agents, each standing ready with tape recorders and notepads, asked for her full report for the last six months. Just as she began to speak, Potter opened the door and slipped inside, nodding to the men and sitting across from her. Lily opened her mouth to say something, but closed it with an audible pop, ignoring him. 

“As you already know, I was supposed to only be in for a month, and just gather information about Riddle. We didn’t have any proof about what he had been doing, but things were always fishy with him. My cover at first was Grove’s dealer who could get him cocaine weekly, but Rosier met me and eventually brought me to the Riddle manor. I was still working as a dealer, but Rosier made me his… girlfriend. I was waiting for him one day when I overheard them talking about the Freeman Fire. I’m sure you’ve heard of it - no one in the government could ever figure out who started it, but it was Goyle and Grove.” Lily took a sip of water as the FBI agents scribbled furiously. “They got drunk, and were angry over their girlfriends dumping them, so they targeted the African-American family living there, and started the fire.

I think... Riddle ordered them to start the fire in the first place, but I never was totally sure. I looked for weeks for evidence, but the only proof I have is a recording on my phone of the end of their conversation. I only got the last bit, and all it really says is “Riddle wanted it quiet.” Then it cuts out.

By then, a month was up, and I used the burner phone to call the precinct and check in. But they wanted me to wait longer to see what else I could dig up. So I stayed for five more months. A few days later, Rosalyn Goyle was murdered by Nott after a fight between Nott and Goyle after a poker game. Al Goyle wanted to take it to the police, but that would expose him.” Here Lily paused and adjusted the bandage around her wound, and took another drink of water. 

“What did Al Goyle do?”

“He worked with Riddle on drugs. He was in charge of the major drug lines from Mexico and Colorado to New York, then distributed everywhere else. If he went to the police about the murder, it wouldn’t take much to get him caught for the drugs. I looked at his papers one day, not that they were detailed, but it said almost 40,000 pounds of marijuana had been shipped in just one week.”

Potter whistled through his teeth, tilting back his chair. “Our estimates were way off.”

Lily shrugged. “I took pictures when I could of evidence, saved them on icloud, and deleted them. Same with the recordings. If they were found, the whole operation would have been blown.”

“Goyle?” McGonagall prompted. 

“So when his wife died, Goyle and Black, his wife’s family, started a war between them and Nott and Grove. Basically, he just used his goons to get back. Nott threatened Grove with something, and Grove gave in. So it was Goyle and Black versus Nott and Grove. No one was safe, and Marcus Nott, son of Rex Nott, the murderer, was kidnapped, then kept as a hostage and... tortured by Bellatrix Black for a week before Goyle finally killed him. Nott was supposed to give Goyle three million dollars in exchange for his son, but Nott didn’t have the money because his cousin, Abby Quin spent it all bribing a senator. When Marcus was killed, Nott snapped and ordered the snatchers - guys who do the dirty work, in a drive-by shooting, killed Al Goyle and three women that were with him that night.” Lily paused again. “The bodies... were tossed - dumped in a river. Nott didn’t want any evidence against him, and he especially didn’t want Riddle finding out. Riddle wasn’t a fan of Nott in the first place - some longtime grudge against him. Either way, Riddle didn’t want a place in the war, and instead, used his money to build up a few underground gambling rings in the meantime.” Lily rubbed her eyes. “I can take you to a few of them. I don’t have the addresses memorized, but I can get there.”

“Did everyone trust you? That entire time?” Potter asked, writing down some notes.

“Not at first. It took awhile, but Rosier trusted me the most. Riddle respects Rosier somewhat, so it got passed around, I guess.”

“Who ran the gambling rings?” 

“Lestrange, working for Riddle. Riddle was just the face, but Lestrange did all the work for him.”

“Was Rosier really a bad screw?” Potter asked, eyebrows raised. 

Lily choked on her water, spitting a little onto her shirt. “Excuse me?”

“Mr. Potter, that is not an acceptable question,” McGonagall interjected. Potter huffed at the captain’s words but didn’t say anything else. Lily forcefully put her water down, head pounding at the loss of blood and talking too long. “Ms. Evans, did you perform any illegal acts while undercover?” 

Lily shook her head slowly, glancing at James, who was grinning at her, pretending to take copious notes. “A few drugs, gambling, lots of drinking. But I never had to hurt anyone, or -” She stopped, looking down. “Nothing that is considered a felony.”

“Is there something else?”

“No.” McGonagall looked at her carefully, and she ducked her head. She didn’t want to talk to anyone about this, especially five complete strangers. “I… watched a lot of stuff happen. Those three girls that were murdered? I… was in the room next door, I could have easily been the fourth. Marcus Nott got tortured by Bellatrix while I was standing right there. But when I started, I was ordered not to do _anything_ that might tip them off, so I could only wait. It...”

“You did the right thing, Evans,” McGonagall said gently. Potter cast a look at her, but she refused to meet his eyes, instead playing with her hands in her lap. 

“I could have saved a lot of lives if I had just told -”

“But more criminals are in jail now, which never would have happened if you hadn’t kept quiet. An entire crime ring is gone. You were right, Ms. Evans, I hope you know that.” McGonagall handed her a tissue, but Lily didn’t take it. 

“I don’t cry,” she said shortly, and she wasn’t about to. James snorted, and one of the men smirked. She lifted her head, eyes blazing, but continued to talk, fighting to keep her voice controlled and level. “Riddle is everywhere. He even hinted once at having spies in the government, but I couldn’t tell if he was using that as a scare tactic.”

“His primary goal?” One man prompted. 

“Money. Power,” Lily said simply, shrugging her shoulders. 

“What was happening tonight? Why was everyone together?” Potter inquired. “If they were at war, why did they get together?”

“Riddle threatened them to get along. He got frustrated that no one was focusing on his personal goal, and tonight was supposed to be the kickoff event for everyone. I’m not sure why he wanted everyone together, I thought he was smarter than that.”

“You think he planned the capture?”

Lily hesitated words on the tip of her tongue, but unsure of how to phrase it. “Maybe… he rarely trusts anyone, and if he does, he never shows it. Everyone is wary of him because they aren’t sure if they can give advice or support. ”

“Riddle was captured tonight. Do you think he wanted that?”

“No, I don’t think he believed he could escape prison. But he would have to have a backup plan. He _always_ has another plan.”

“So it’s not over?” Potter sat up straighter. “Why didn’t you stay undercover longer if-”

“Riddle’s hidden everything! No paperwork, records - only he knows about it. I tried for months Potter, but there is nothing I could find. Not even a trace.” Frustration crept into her voice, and she looked away. “I tried.”

McGonagall cleared her throat, and stood up, resting a hand on Lily’s shoulder. “Ms. Evans could use some rest. We will likely find all of the information we need when we can thoroughly search each house. I’m sure we will have more questions later, but for now, you may go. While you were gone, we moved your personal boxes to the other side of the city. There’s a bag in the locker room downstairs with all your personal items - phone, clothes, and your keys to your new apartment. I sent an email to you with your address. At the apartment, there will be a man outside, and you just have to wink, and he’ll go with you to make sure your apartment is safe. We aren’t expecting that anyone will be there after a successful operation, but for the first month, someone will always be nearby.”

Lily nodded and stood up shakily, shaking McGonagall’s hand, and ignoring Potter’s smirk. She picked up her crutch and jammed it under her arm. “When do I need to come back in?”

“Take all the time you need. I don't expect you for a week, at earliest.”

Lily nodded, reaching down and tugging off her heels, she walked barefoot through the office towards the locker room, leaning on her crutch for support. “Bloody menaces,” she muttered, tossing the heels in the trash. They were completely ruined after running after Lestrange, and from the blood running down her leg. 

When she reached the locker room, a large black bag sat in the corner, labeled with a bright ‘Evans’ written in yellow duct tape. She opened it and pulled out the jeans and shirt waiting for her. A new phone sat in the bag, next to a pair of keys. 

It didn’t take long to change. Lily was more than ready to go home, and could hardly control herself as she left the building, and headed towards her car. 

At her new apartment, a man sat on the steps outside, and she winked briefly as she went by, but otherwise ignored him. Instead, she focused on not tripping up the stairs with a bad leg and a crutch.

As she opened her door, Lily was stunned at the interior. It was a modest apartment, but it was nicer than anything she could afford. It included a kitchen already stocked with food, a bedroom, bathroom, and a living room. Everything had already been unpacked, organized and cleaned. Her old apartment was a tiny one-room apartment, with a microwave and a mini fridge that served as a kitchen. She only had a mattress on the floor, heaped with blankets, and a lumpy couch she’d found at the local donation center. 

Her smile turned to a frown as she wandered around. _I can’t afford this_ , Lily thought, dropping her duffel bag at the door. Although it was small, new, shiny white furniture had been bought and already built. But her worry quickly faded into utter exhaustion and Lily stumbled into the shower, her mind troubled and confused.


	2. Chapter Two

Four days later, Lily walked into her new police department, wearing a blazer and a blue shirt, her police badge proudly hanging from her neck. It had been a long time since she walked freely, wearing her uniform. In truth, she had missed it, although she would never admit it. She wished that she was healed already, so she didn’t need a crutch. It slowed her down considerably, and her arm hurt after using it. She walked towards Minerva McGonagall’s office, the captain of her new precinct, as well as the head of the investigation. She knocked gently and opened the door at the brief “come in.”

McGonagall was looking over a file, pen in hand, when Lily entered. Confident, Lily approached the desk as the captain looked up, surprised.

“Miss Evans! I wasn’t expecting you for a few more days, at least! Are you sure you are recovered?” Lily nodded. To be honest, she wasn’t sure if she was, but after months of nonstop action, sitting in her unfamiliar apartment wasn’t what she wanted. “Very well. For now, I will only expect you to do paperwork until you pass your physical and psych evaluation again.”

“Shouldn’t be a problem. I’m in excellent condition.” 

“And how is your leg, Ms. Evans?” Lily forced a smile on her face, but in all honesty, it still killed her to walk on it without a crutch, and even with a crutch, it was painful.

“I’m glad it’s feeling better. However, many agents come back and it takes a while to pass the psych evaluation. If you don’t pass at first, don’t worry. I know what undercover work can do.” McGonagall opened her mouth to say something, but Lily broke in. 

“I’m fine, Captain. Really, I am.” She nodded her understanding, but her eyes seemed to bore into her, and Lily forced herself to remain still. “I’ll have Potter show you around. Work begins at 8 o’clock sharp every day and ends at 6. Lunch is from 12 - 1 unless you’re on call. I expect you to be prompt.”

Lily shook McGonagall’s hand, and stood up, walking out the door, but turned around before she got far. “Would it be possible to trade in my apartment? I don’t need anything so big, and I’d rather sell it for money if that’s possible.”

Her lips pressed into a thin line. “Miss Evans, you deserve that apartment after such a major accomplishment. The state has already paid the first month.”

“I understand,” Lily said shortly. “But I would prefer to save money. I can wait out the month.”

“I’ll see what I can do, if you are sure that’s what you want to do.” Lily nodded, thanked her, and left the room. 

Potter was waiting outside, holding a case file in one hand, and a coffee in the other. 

“Hey, how you feeling?” Potter grabbed her bag from her and swung it over his shoulder. Lily frowned and grabbed the bag back. 

“I can take care of it myself, thanks.”

“Yes, ma’am.” Potter saluted her. “Brief tour - we work there, your desk is the one with an ant problem, the bathroom is down the hall, briefing room is to the left of Minnie’s office, and that’s Sirius, Marlene, Peter, and Remus.” 

He gestured vaguely as he was talking, then smirked as Lily huffed at him, then walked over to her desk. On her right across the aisle, sat the shaggy-haired man who had taken down Lestrange, who James introduced as Sirius. Marlene, the girl who had also helped her earlier, sat across from him, and behind them sat Peter, a short man with mousy brown hair, and Remus, who was wearing a threadbare overcoat. She sat down, took a blue pen from her bag, and opened a case file on her desk, choosing to ignore the man across from her. 

James sat on the opposite side of her, his desk full of rubber band balls, messy folders, rotten apple cores, and computer cords. He kicked his feet up, and opened a case, running his fingers through his long hair. 

It hadn’t even been ten minutes before he spoke again. “So how long until your psych eval?”

“It’s in a week.”

“So how long will we be stuck here?”

“We?”

“I’m your new partner Evans. I can’t go out to the field without you. When is your leg gonna get better?” 

Lily had completely forgotten that he was her new partner. _Why didn’t I remember_? Lily shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts as Potter kept talking. But she felt a little dizzy, and her eyes started watering. 

“- Evans, you listening?”

“What? Yeah, sorry. I need to use the bathroom,” she mumbled, clutching the desk for support. He shot her an odd look, but Lily continued walking, trying to think straight again. Her leg certainly wasn’t helping. As she was washing her hands, she looked in the mirror at her appearance. Watching herself, Lily slammed the water off and returned to her desk, determined to not let the work get to her. _It’s in the past._ She said firmly in the mirror. _It’s over._

XXX

Two days later, Lily sat on her new couch, watching her phone carefully. All she had wanted to do the entire six months was call her mom, but now that she could, she was afraid. Slowly, she picked it up and finally dialed her mom’s number. 

“Hello?” Her mom said. 

Lily nearly broke down at the familiar sound. “Hi, Mom.”

“Lily! I’m so glad you called.”

“Sorry it took me so long. I was… adjusting.”

“Don’t worry about it. Petunia is a little upset -” Lily groaned internally, biting her lip. “- and I’m taking your father to the hospital tomorrow for his checkup.”

“How is he?”

There was silence for a minute, and when her mother resumed talking, she sounded choked up. “He’s doing fine.”

“Is he? I need the truth mom.” It took a moment for her to respond, and Lily suddenly couldn’t breathe.

“He… only has a few more months honey, and then-”

Lily absorbed that information like a shock to her system. _A few months?_ When she had left, they had estimated a few years. She slumped on the couch, and a headache began forming. She took a shuddering breath to calm her rapid heart. 

“- the tumor keeps spreading throughout his body, and he’s in constant pain. He tries to hide it, you know how tough he tries to be. But you can just see it in all his movements, and his speech is slurred sometimes.” Her mom sounded haggard and tired. 

“Is Petunia around to help?”

“Not often. She’s engaged now -”

“To Vernon? Please tell me daddy ran him off. He’s the biggest piece… wait, she’s not helping?”

There was another hesitation, and Lily’s hands clenched. “Don’t get mad at her, she’s had a lot on her plate with graduation, and -”

“Her dad is _dying_.” Lily was gripping her phone so tight, the case was digging into her hand. She was in disbelief. “Don’t defend her mom.”

“You left too.” There was an edge in her mom’s voice, and Lily gripped the phone even tighter, becoming desperate.

“I thought I had a few years left with him, I didn’t know that he was going to _die_. Petunia did and she didn’t help!” She brushed a stray tear angrily aside. 

“Petunia doesn’t-”

“I don’t want to talk about Petunia,” Lily said shortly. Then she held her breath, trying to calm herself down. “I got a bonus for this job and a new apartment. I’m going to sell it and then I can help again. I can help with the bills even more now. I’ll come by later to talk, ok?”

She didn’t wait for a response before hanging up. Standing up quickly, she began pacing in the apartment, head tilted back to stop the tears from falling, hands on her hips. She rarely cried, but she’d always been close with her dad, and the news that he might be dying soon was a shock. It took her a few minutes to calm down enough to think clearly, trying to put her frustrations with her sister to the side. Heading into the kitchen, she ordered a pizza and started on the pile of dishes in the sink. Lately, she had grown sloppy and careless, leaving piles of dishes on the counter, table, and chairs. Trying to forget all of her frustrations, she set to work. 

XXX

The next day at work, Lily was eating lunch in the breakroom, texting Marlene, who was on an away assignment when her phone rang. 

Lily took a deep breath before accepting the call. 

“Hello?” Petunia’s voice shrieked in her ear, and Lily nearly pulled the phone away from her ear. 

“Hi, Tuney.”

“How are you? I hope you are doing great with the bonuses and all the free time you have now. Dad’s dying, and Mom said it was all your fault.”

Lily was astonished at Petunia’s tone. Usually, she would break news gentler, taking a while to get to the point to avoid confrontation. She must have been more upset than Lily had thought. 

“I… uh… I’m sorry Petunia. I took the job… because I needed the money to help pay for dad’s bills. I didn’t want to do it but… he was _supposed_ to have a few more years.” She bit her lip, trying to keep her voice down. Not many people were in the room, but James Potter was feeding money into a vending machine nearby, and the last thing she wanted was him overhearing her. “I moving into a smaller apartment, and I should have enough money to help mom so dad can get -”

“Don’t call him that.”

“Excuse me?”

“You don’t deserve to talk to him after you ditched us to become a… a spy!” Her last word was whispered furiously into the phone, and Lily could practically see her looking around for eavesdroppers. 

“Petunia, you can’t be serious. _You’re_ the one who isn’t visiting them anymore, and you didn’t even tell me you were engaged!”

“Mom is lying then. I visit almost every other day, and I’m the one paying for a wedding soon! I’m very busy and -”

“You can’t blame me then!” Lily’s voice was raising and she bit back an exhausted sigh. “Listen, can we talk about this tonight? I’ll come by the house.”

“No! They might be following you.”

“Who?”

“What if they know it was you? Have you dyed your hair or -”

“Petunia, we’ve taken every precaution. I know how to handle myself. No one -”

But Petunia had already hung up. No longer hungry, Lily tossed her food in the bin and walked back to her desk, fuming. 

“Everything ok?” Potter asked, crunching on a bag of chips.

“Fine,” Lily said shortly. It was quiet for a minute, then Lily asked softly, “Have you ever gone undercover?”

“What? No, but I think it’d be cool.”

“Mm.” And they fell back into silence. Lily glanced at her phone. It was a Friday. “I have my psych eval Tuesday, and physical on Thursday. We can go back into duty the day after, right after the paperwork gets processed.”

“Are you going to pass?”

Lily glanced at him. “Why does everyone think I won’t?”

He shrugged awkwardly. “Most people don’t after being undercover for so long. And…”

“And what?”

“You didn’t seem so great when you were giving your report. Like, distant and hollow. Not really yourself.”

“How do you know what I’m normally like?”

He shrugged again, twirling a pen between his fingers. “I get glimpses sometimes, like when you sprayed Sirius with silly string when he stole your yogurt last week.”

Lily grinned a little, shrugging her shoulders. “He deserved it.”

“Sure. But you seemed alive then.”

Lily unsure of how to respond, shrugged her shoulders again and opened a folder. They lapsed into quiet work again. Every couple minutes, she would glance his way, trying to figure him out. He was always immersed in his work, unruly hair falling into his eyes. She couldn’t figure him out - sometimes he was polite and helpful, and other times he was an arrogant fool who laughed at everyone. 

Shrugging her thoughts off, she got back to work. 

XXX

Two weeks passed. Lily passed her psych exam, as well as her physical a few days later. Her leg didn’t bother her anymore, and only a thin scar ran down her leg. She returned to active duty and did her best to maintain her composure at work. Things with her mom and Petunia had only continued to get worse, and Petunia refused to talk to Lily. Hoping to convince them to change their minds, Lily continued to send money to her dad, living off ramen noodles and buttered popcorn. McGonagall seemed reluctant to give her outside work, and Potter had been getting more and more antsy across from her, shooting rubber bands at the ceiling, tapping incessantly against his desk. Finally, Lily slammed down her pencil and threw her hands up. 

“I’m asking McGonagall for an assignment - no matter how small - if it will get you to stop tapping!” And she stormed off, without waiting for a response. She hesitated for only a moment to put a smile on her face before walking into McGonagall's office. 

Ten minutes later, Potter and Lily practically ran out of the precinct, a new assignment in their hands. As he started the car, Lily actually looked at the folder and frowned. “She gave us the daily patrol assignment.” 

Potter stopped. “Are you kidding me?” Lily shook her head, showing him the paper. He punched at the steering wheel, running a fist through his hair. “This is all your fault.”

“My fault?”

“If I wasn’t assigned with you, I might be doing something… real, helpful, not stuck in a room doing paperwork!”

Lily bristled. “I can’t do anything about what McGonagall assigns me. I’m perfectly fine, and I want to be out of there as much as you, but -”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t act like you're hiding behind the paperwork, and not so afraid of going back into duty!”

“What? I -”

“You can barely even process paperwork correctly, I’m constantly cleaning up after you. I stay late every day to make sure we are keeping up because you don’t do nearly as much work as you should, and we’re always behind!” He was gesturing widely in the air, his hair bouncing as he moved.

Lily shook her head angrily. There was no way - she worked twice as hard as he did. “I can’t believe -”

“And you act like you're fine, but in reality, you can’t stomach the case details either-”

Lily interrupted him, her voice sharp. “McGonagall didn’t specify that our patrol assignment had to work together.” She opened the door and stepped out, her ponytail swinging as she slammed the door. 

Fuming, she returned into the precinct, grabbed a pair of keys, and backed out in another cruiser. She barely even registered where she was driving, her hands were shaking, and yet another tear leaked out. 

The problem was that what Potter had said was completely true. He had driven a nail straight into the heart of the problem, and it _hurt_. Going back into real cop work was scary to her. Her psych evaluation had been nearly a complete lie because she had thought she wanted to go back to work, thinking that would somehow take her out of her almost depression-like state. Somehow her therapist hadn’t seen through it. Before, she thought she could just fake it until she fixed herself, and everything would be fine. But now, she struggled to get through the day, worrying about her dad, Petunia, finding a new apartment, and especially about the undercover assignment. 

Not only had she seen multiple deaths happen, but she had known them personally. The three girls that had been shot were mostly innocent - drugs and such, but mostly they had just been born into the wrong family. None of them wanted to be there, but they without options or resources they were stuck in a bottomless, endless hole. 

But the worst part was the torture she had seen. Rosier had invited Lily over one night when Bellatrix Black had taken over the basement. When Rosier and Lily heard screaming, they went to investigate, and Black forced them to watch. Rosier was disinterested, he had clearly seen it before. When she left Rosier the next morning, she went home and puked the entire morning until she was just dry heaving over a toilet bowl. Every night since then, she was afraid to close her eyes, worried about the scenes replaying her in dreams over and over again. On the rare occasion she fell asleep, her sleep was punctuated with the screams and blood she had seen. Sometimes it was her father being tortured, sometimes her mother, and even friends. But most often, it was the three girls that had been murdered. 

She pulled off to the side of the road to watch for speeding cars, hands tight on the steering wheel, just as Potter radioed in. “Requesting back up, I am chasing a stolen car after a hit and run accident at the 185th and Bronson intersection. I need a medical there. The stolen car is heading south on 195th.” 

Snapping out of it, Lily pulled out, noticing she was close to the scene and decided to first attend to the injuries. The accident could have been bad from the damage to the vehicles, but thankfully, the man injured had swerved, and although his car was ruined, he only had a scratch on his head and a broken arm. Breathing a sigh of relief that it had not been any worse, Lily sat the man down, repeated the call for medical assistance, and began to direct traffic around the intersection until more help arrived. 

Then she jogged to her cruiser, radioing Potter for updated information on the car chase. But he didn’t reply, so she jumped into the car, lights blazing. Ten minutes later, Potter called again, and she quickly sped to where he was. It sounded like gunshots in the background, and he said he was hiding.

“There are two armed men walking around, I’m hidden in an empty farmhouse ten minutes away off of 195th -” and he cut out. 

“Captain,” Lily relayed the information to her Captain, and then asked, “Should I wait or engage?”

“Wait for now, we should have someone there in three minutes, over.”

“Yes ma’am, over.” Lily threw her vest on and checked her gun’s magazine as she waited for more officers to arrive. 

Five minutes later, Lily led the group of cop cars towards a white farmhouse, a forest on one side, and a field on the other. Although she was the newest to the group, Lily still had the most experience of all of them. Taking command, she relayed instructions and information through her radio. “Any questions? Pettigrew, you’ll stay back for cover. Lupin and McKinnon, take the south side, and Prewett and I will take the Northside.”

Each pair signaled that they were ready, and on her count, jumped out of the car, surrounding the house. As Prewett and Lily moved into position, a shot sounded from above. Lily turned her gun toward the roof, just as a man ducked. She rattled off three quick, warning shots. But he had already hidden from the shots, so she stepped back into the trees, waiting for him to reappear. 

Prewett wasn’t far behind her, standing ready behind a tall tree. There were shots in the distance, and Lily saw the man on the roof stand up again. Reacting quickly, both Prewett and Lily shot nearly at the same time. The man shuddered, giving a heaving gasp, and collapsed below the edge. While Lily kept a gun trained on the roof, Prewett dashed for the house, and Lily followed. 

There was another gunshot on the south side, but no movement inside, so the pair moved inwards, guns ready. It was a clean, tidy house, and there was no sign of a family currently in the house. Lily gestured at muddy footprints trailing up the stairs. Gesturing, Lily pointed at the footprints and began to creep up the stairs. The second floor was empty, and as they followed the footsteps, Lily became uneasy. They walked through what looked like a bonus room, with old couches and board games stacked in the corner. A lamp was knocked over, and a window was broken with glass littering the floor. Biting her lip, Lily went over the situation. Potter was still missing, and there was an injured or dead man on the other side of the roof door.

Taking a quick breath, she opened the door to the roof and walked inside. The man was laying on his side, sprawled out and clearly dead. On the other side of the roof, Potter was leaning against a box, holding his leg and swearing profusely. 

“Yikes man, are you alright?” Prewett asked, gun still held high. 

Potter glared at him. His face was ashen and his shirt was drenched in sweat. “Bloody - does it look like I’m ok?”

Prewett shook his head at Potter’s snark, looking around the rooftop. “Anyone else up here?” 

Potter shook his head. “One up here, one down low.”

Prewett grabbed his radio again. “Lupin, McKinnon, any news?”

There was silence for a minute, then Marlene’s clear voice rang through. “We’re all good, and the perimeter is secure. The second hostile surrendered and is in custody, over.”

“Nice work. Potter is injured, but he’ll make it out.”

Potter snorted at Prewett’s reply and groaned. “Get me to a hospital.”

“Yes, sir.” Prewett began to speak into the radio again but stopped as he noticed Lily, staring at the man’s dead body.

“Evans? Everything alright?”

No response. 

“Evans?” Lily jerked around, eyes wide and dark. “You okay?”

“Fine. I’m fine, yeah… sorry. I’m going... to call an ambulance.”

Prewett nodded as she hurried away, then turned to Potter. “Did she seem alright to you?” 

“Can’t… bloody tell Prewett, I’m bleeding out…” James gasped, now struggling to breathe. He dropped the towel he was using to bind his leg, and Prewett’s eyes went wide. “Stop talking Prewett. It’s making me sick. And get me to a bloody hospital.” 

XXX

Lily waited by the cars for the ambulance to arrive, gun still at the ready, but from the outside, she seemed relaxed. Her wide green eyes were wide, the only hint of her internal struggle. As she had entered that roof, the man reminded her of Nott being tortured by Bellatrix, and her inability to help him. She or Prewett _had_ killed this man, no matter what she might like to think. The guilt pressed down on her, and she had never felt this afraid of her own thoughts before. As the time passed, and ambulances and more police cars arrived, she slowly rolled out her shoulders, and the emotions went away, and she began to shift back into her emotionless, trained state. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed :)


	3. Chapter Three

Lily knocked on the door to the white hospital door, holding a small bouquet of flowers and a box of her mother’s homemade fudge. 

“Come in.”

Lily slowly entered and saw Black sitting across from the bed, his feet propped up, and Potter, who was in a hospital bed, grinned at her. She smiled briefly at Potter, then at Black. 

“Just stopped to say hi. And I didn’t know if you wanted flowers or… How are you feeling?”

“Much better, thanks. I’m all drugged up right now. But… the bone in my leg is fractured. The bullet… hit the bone.”

“How long will you be out?”

He didn’t - couldn’t meet her eyes, staring blankly at the white walls. “They think four weeks, minimum.” He looked over at Sirius and something seemed to pass between them because Sirius stood up, muttering an excuse about work, and left. 

Lily put the flowers down, not meeting his eyes. “Hope you feel better. I need to get back -” “What’s wrong Evans?” His voice was uncharacteristically soft. She frowned at him, raising an eyebrow. Deciding that no one was going to think she was better if she acted shy and quiet, she met his eyes straight on. 

“What? I’m fine.”

“No, you aren’t.”

“Yes, I am.”

“Are you going to act like a five year old, or are you going to tell me what’s wrong?”

“I’m not telling you my life problems, I barely know you.” Lily crossed her arms and glared at him. 

“Lily, you need help - “

“-I’m fine.” Lily tossed him the fudge, not caring when it landed with a thud on his chest. “Do you need anything while I’m here? Food or anything?”

Potter just ran a hand through his hair with one hand, opening the fudge with the other hand. “I’m good. Just take a little time off, ok?”

Lily tugged at her ponytail, swinging it over her shoulder, waved, and left quickly. Outside in the waiting room, Sirius was bouncing a rubber ball on the floor. As she passed, she smiled briefly at him, but unashamed, he gave her an odd look. Feeling out of place and anxious, Lily hurried out of the hospital. 

As she left, it began to rain, at first a light mist and then became a low roar as she hurried towards her car. Climbing in, Lily tilted her head back, sighing. 

It had been almost three days since the car chase and shooting. One of the men had been injured and arrested, and the other was killed by Prewett or Lily. At the top of the house, Lily had thought for a moment of those three girls, and thought of the torture she had seen. But it had past, and Lily was sure she was alright now, but it didn’t help that Black, Prewett, and Potter were all bothering her about it now. 

Backing out, Lily decided to go see her Mom and Petunia, hoping to work out what had gone wrong. If she was honest, she had no idea what to expect. Things could go either go two ways - Petunia could slam the door in her face, or welcome her back in with a hug and an apology. Lily could guess which one it would be. 

When she arrived at Petunia’s apartment, she knocked on the door, running through what she was going to say. _Hi Petunia, I’m really sorry about everything since I came back, do you think we could start over?_ And then later, she would bring up Dad’s bills. 

Petunia opened the door, smiling, her bright red lipstick cutting through the foggy gloom. Her face fell as she saw Lily standing there in the rain. 

“Hi, Tuney.”

She was quiet for a minute. “Hi.”

“Can… I come in?”

Petunia stood back silently and Lily stepped into the immaculate house. She sat down on the purple couch hesitantly, looking around at the pictures of Petunia and Vernon. Petunia cast a glance outside, then shut the door quickly. 

“Do you have a date yet? For the wedding?”

Petunia shook her head, sitting primly on the couch. “Vernon wants to wait.”

“What about Dad? Don’t you want him to be there?”

Petunia dropped her eyes. “He’s going to live for a while longer.”

“Tuney… The doctors say he is going to live for only a few more months.”

Petunia ignored this, staring resolutely at the floor. Lily took a deep breath and then started on what she planned to say. “Since I got back, things haven’t been good, and it's my fault. I’ve been closed off because I’ve been worried about Dad, and I’m sorry. Do... you maybe... maybe we could start over, and figure out how to help mom and dad together?”

“Lily, leaving for six months instead of just one when we needed you most wasn’t a good idea.” Petunia sat up even straighter, if possible, her voice scathing. Disgust seemed to roll off her in waves, and Lily recoiled at the sound of her voice. “The stress of what could happen to you nearly killed our dad, and you weren’t even here! You were out, having sex, smoking, drinking, as an ‘undercover’ cop, doing good, helping bring down a crime family, but in reality, you were just having a good slutty time! And now you come back, a hero, bringing attention to yourself, and it’s all going to come back to haunt you when one of those… those criminals come back for revenge -”

Lily tried to say something, but Petunia continued, her voice rising an octave.

“- murder us all in our beds, one by one.” 

“If I’m safe, you’re safe Tuney. We have taken every possible precaution.”

Petunia stood up and crossed her arms and Lily’s head tilted back to look up at her. “I don’t want you back in this house again. Don’t call me. I don’t want to be traced to you. I can’t stop you from visiting mom, but you have a target on your back. Anyone you associate with may get hurt.”

“Petunia, this is ridiculous! I’m your sister, you can’t just never speak to me again!” Lily stood up now, pacing back and forth. 

“This day was a long time coming Lily. You’ve always been... a little bit off and I will not let you destroy everything that I’ve worked for,” Petunia hissed.

Lily clenched her fists, seething. “So this is it? Last time I ever see you? Not even at the wedding?”

Petunia pointed to the door. “Get out.” 

Lily bit her tongue, her insides twisting inside of her. She felt sick, and her resolve snapped. “I have worked night and day to pay for Dad’s bills, and yet you have been planning a wedding and haven’t had time to visit? Or help with the costs? I sold my nice apartment, all the furniture, everything, moved into a one-room apartment, just for Dad, and you say it’s my fault he’s dying? You live in this gigantic apartment Petunia! But,” Lily smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “If you don’t visit your dying dad, I never want to see you again. I wouldn’t want to be sisters with someone who is such a pathetic snob anyway.”

With that, Lily wrenched open the door and stormed out, slamming the door behind her. No tears came, and Lily was grateful. It was if Lily had already known what was going to happen when she had knocked on Petunia’s door fifteen minutes ago. It hadn’t surprised her, not really. She just thought it would have happened after the wedding, or after the funeral, but she hadn’t expected it so soon. Either way, it still stung and bit into her in every way possible. Rain began dripping from the sky, slowly turning into a steady pour, and then a raging storm. Her fingers gripped the steering wheel too hard, and her palms began bleeding from the bite of her fingernails.

As she parked at her new apartment and walked up the steps, Marlene was sitting underneath an umbrella, waiting for her.

“Shite place you live, Lil. Middle of nowhere, and more than a little sketchy.”

Lily glared at her. She was in no mood to talk, and the rain was drenching her. “What are you doing here?”

“James said you weren’t doing -”

“James doesn’t know me,” Lily said crossly. She pulled out her keys and shoved them into the lock. She threw open the door and tossed her keys onto the counter. “Why does he care? I’m fine.”

“Don’t give me that crap. I know you were upset about James getting hurt and that guy dying-”

Lily waved her hand. “I wasn’t okay for a minute. James will get better. But I guess I thought that I was back undercover and that I had killed someone for fun. I’m fine.”

“Did you? Ever kill someone, I mean?”

“No,” Lily shook her head. But her head wasn’t in the conversation and the words came spilling out. “No. Not until that guy at the farmhouse. And maybe it could have been avoided, and maybe it wasn’t even me! And then that’s why I was scared because I thought that maybe I was turning into them and killing for fun and… it was who I really was.”

Marlene patted the couch next to her, and Lily sank down next to her, twisting a lock of hair. “But the next day, I was fine. I’m trained for it.”

“So why were you upset today at the hospital? James called me and told me that you seemed angry.” 

“Tosser.” Lily bit her lip, trying to phrase a response that made sense. “When I left for undercover, I was only supposed to be gone for a month. My dad… has cancer, and he was supposed to have a few more years, so I thought it would be ok if I left for a while and earned some extra money to help pay the bills. But then one month undercover turned into six, he got worse, and then my sister got engaged. She... stopped paying for the bills because of the wedding and then blamed me for dad getting worse, and stopped visiting. And… and somehow, my mom blames it on me too, but I still pay the bills and I visit all the time, and I run errands and ...” Lily took a shaky breath, still fuming over what Petunia had said. Her hands twisted in her lap. “I went to visit Petunia today, and she basically told me she wasn’t ever talking to me again.”

“Ever? Why?”

Lily smiled painfully and shrugged. “She’s worried about someone getting revenge. They’re all going to want revenge. Basically, she thinks I’m a target, and if she knows me, she’ll get hurt. I talked to her today and apparently, she’s not ever talking to me ever again.”

Marlene let out a low whistle. Lily shrugged. “I guess I can’t blame her. She could get hurt.”

“No way. You’ve taken tons of precautions to stay safe, changed your house, car, name, everything. No one can find you in this city - even if they knew you turned them in. If you let her tell you that, you are not the person I thought you were.”

Lily let her head fall back. “I just want my family back together.”

Marlene squeezed her shoulders, massaging some of the tension out. “No family is perfect Lils.”

Lily didn’t reply, just looking at the ground. 

“Are you going to be okay?”

“What if she convinces my parents to forget me too? I mean, she already convinced my mom I shouldn’t have left -”

“From what I know about your mom, she won’t just cut ties. She loves you, Lily- you know that right? Petunia can put a stick up her arse for all I care.”

Lily kicked off her shoes, and Marlene stood up. “Want to watch a movie? I’ll make popcorn.”

Lily nodded, smiling briefly, still feeling angry, but was more exhausted than anything. 

XXX

Before work on Monday, after Lily’s fight with Petunia, she drove back to the hospital, bringing more fudge with her. Potter was still in the hospital but was hoping to be released in a few days. As she entered the room, she forced a smile on her face. 

“Hey,” She set the fudge next to him as he sat up. His hair fell into his face and he swept it out of the way with one hand. 

“Hey,” He repeated, eyeing her carefully. 

“How are you feeling?”

James shrugged. “Like crap. I can’t move my leg at all, and I’m bored out of my mind.”

Lily smiled, this time a real smile. “I understand.” He sent her a questioning look. “I broke my leg in 8th grade over the summer. I couldn’t do anything for two months.”

James grinned. “Somehow I’ve never broken anything, even with all the stunts I used to pull.”

“With Sirius?”

“Yeah. We grew up together - he’s like my brother. We would do the craziest pranks, skateboard tricks, everything, but somehow we never had major injuries.”

Lily smiled again. “Sirius was your neighbor then?”

James frowned. “Uh… his parents weren’t the greatest, so he spent a lot of time at my house.”

“Oh.” Lily forced down thoughts of her own family and turned back to James. “Anything you need help with?”

He shrugged. “I’m all good.”

“Do you have family nearby to help you when you go home?”

He shook his head. “My mom lived in Los Angeles.”

“Why did you leave LA then?”

“Chicago has good jazz music.”

Lily smiled. “No, really.”

“I’m shocked you didn’t know - I love jazz music.”

“Jazz? There’s no future in jazz. There is _much_ better -”

“I was kidding, Evans.” He smirked as she rolled her eyes. “I got bored after college. I didn’t want to live near my mom either. Maybe I’ll move back if I ever settle down, but for now, Sirius and I live here.”

Lily checked her watch and suddenly stood up. “Sorry, I’m running late. I forgot I promised Remus I would pick up the coffee today. Enjoy the fudge.” She turned towards the door, pulling out her car keys. 

“Marlene told me,” James blurted out. “About your dad.” Lily swung around an angry retort instantly on her lips. “Well, not details,” He said quickly. Lily crossed her arms, instantly defensive. 

“She shouldn’t have told you anything.”

“She was being a good friend. And I don’t know the whole story.”

Lily glared at him. “And don’t expect the whole story either.”

“Evans, it might help to talk about it. Sirius would understand the most, he’s got a messed up family.”

“Potter, I don’t _need_ help. I’m fine.”

Potter sat up gingerly, wincing. “Evans, you’re beating yourself up over something that isn’t your fault. You’re doing everything you can to help your dad. I know how you’re feeling, but It’s not your fault.”

Lily let a tear slip and angrily dashed it away. “How much did Marlene tell you?”

James winced again. “Most of it actually. But don’t blame her - blame me. I made her tell me.”

“Doesn’t matter.” Lily sat down heavily in one of the chairs across from the bed, holding her head in her hands. “Did she tell you that when I left, my dad was supposed to have another few years. I didn’t want to take the job, but it paid great? Did she tell you I wasn’t supposed to be there for 6 months? Did she tell you what I saw when I was undercover? Or… did she tell you my sister doesn’t want to be murdered because _someone_ escaped and knows my identity? She won’t even invite me to her wedding, and doesn’t want me to go see my parents.” She breathed out angrily, tossing her fiery hair to the side. “But you know why I’m fine? Because I have to be. I have to keep going to work so I can pay the bills. And if I’m not fine at work, I could end up dead. So, Potter, I’m fine.”

James just stared at her, not saying anything. Lily quickly composed herself, regretting telling him her life story immediately. 

“Word of advice Potter? Mind your own damn business,” Lily swung open the door and slammed it on the way out. 

Shaking, she drove to work. Lily parked the car, slammed the door, and strode into the office, determined to track Marlene down. She pulled her into an empty workroom, whispering angrily. 

“- you knew I didn’t want others to know about my family Marlene, and you did it anyway!” 

Marlene groaned quietly. “I went to visit James and I accidentally said your Dad wasn’t doing great. That’s all I told him, I swear. I wouldn’t say anything more. And… I’m really sorry Lily.”

Lily ran her fingers through her hair, frustrated. “I thought he… knew about Petunia too, so I uh… went on a rant about my family. Now he knows it all I guess. No wonder he looked so shocked.”

Marlene pulled her into a tight hug. “It’s alright Lily, I’m sure he won’t use it against you.”

Lily took a shaky breath. “When… dad dies, I don’t want a lot of people to know. It’ll be easier. The less sympathy I get, the easier it will be to move on.”

Marlene looked at her with sad eyes. “I don’t think that will help.”

“I know, but… it’s the only… only thing I know how to do.” 

“Let me know if you need anything, ok? Any time of the day or night. I’m really sorry.”

Lily nodded, murmuring her thanks. She wasn’t really angry at Marlene anyway. “He’s my partner, I should be more open with him anyways. He is, at least.”

Marlene squeezed her hand. Lily smiled and held her head high as she began her day, determined to not let her personal life get in the way of her job. _I’m fine,_ she told herself. _Everything will work out._ But she knew it wouldn’t, at least anytime soon. As she pulled out a case file from a recent robbery, she couldn’t shake an uneasy feeling the rest of the day. 

XXX

_A man, faceless, ran through the grey mist, screaming. Another man, this time limping, hobbled through the mist, clearing the fog behind him, and revealing a dark forest. Lily turned around, hoping to find a way out, but three girls stood in her way, each silently sobbing. The tears pooled at their feet, slowly creating a lake. Lily turned again to run, but her feet were stuck in the water, sucking her down, slowly. Her legs were motionless, stuck in place by her fears. The girl’s hair began to float as the water rose, and opened their mouth as if to scream. As the water reached her lips, Lily opened her mouth to scream for help, but all she could see was endless black. The water went above her head, suddenly swirling her around and around and -”_

Lily shot up, her heart pounding in her chest, blood rushing to her head. She grabbed at her chest as if trying to slow her heart rate. She was drenched in sweat, and she was unconsciously subbing. Slowly, she sat back, leaning against the wall, now clutching her head. Looking at the clock, she saw it was only three a.m. She had only slept two hours again. The past weeks were so full of nightmaresthat Lily had begun to stay awake at night, too afraid to close her eyes and succumb to the dreams. Her sleep-deprived schedule was catching up to her, baggy eyes, unfocused at work, inattentive, and even more abrupt than usual.

Lily slithered back under the covers, wiping the sweat off her brow but too afraid to leave the security of her blankets. Her heart settled down, but the image of the three girls screaming continued to flash in her mind, over and over again. 

Deciding it was hopeless to try to go back to sleep, Lily wrapped the covers tightly around her and walked into the kitchen, fumbling for the lights. Yawning, she opened the fridge and after standing motionless for a minute, she closed the door and collapsed on the sofa, drifting into another dark sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> currently I'm planning on doing updates every sunday morning, so get ready :)) hope you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter Four

James Potter shuffled into work almost two weeks after the incident, using a crutch to help him walk. A polite clap went around the office, with Sirius letting out a shrieking wolf whistle, and Remus clapping extra loudly. Lily barely glanced up, still embarrassed by her outburst at the hospital. She glanced up in time to see James take a dramatic bow, and then limp towards his desk. 

He plopped into his messy desk across from her and promptly shot a rubber band at her. “You didn’t come to see me again. I ran out of fudge.”

Wordlessly, Lily opened her drawer and pulled a tin of fudge out, took a piece and tossed it into her mouth, never taking her eyes off her work. Then she handed him the rest of the container. 

He frowned as he took it from her. “You look tired.”

“I didn’t sleep well last night.”

“Or the last couple nights, it looks like. You know, if you just took a day off, you might feel better?”

Lily ignored him. He slapped a finished case on a large stack, and it immediately tumbled to the floor. When he finally had collected them all back into a disorderly stack, he was more serious. “I’m not going to tell anyone about what… you told me.”

Lily finally looked up at him, dropping her pen and paper. “Not even Sirius?” He eyed her, but then nodded. “Not even him, don’t worry.”

“I think you should tell him though,” He continued. “His parents - they weren’t the best. Neither was his brother. He might help you understand -”

“My parents aren’t the problem, it’s my sister. She’s convinced them that I’m the problem. But she might be right. What if someone finds out? I wouldn’t put it past him to track my family down and then come after me.” Lily picked up her pen and bent her head, trying to focus back on her work. “If I stay away, they can live in peace.”

James rolled his eyes. “If you stay away, you’re letting your sister win. No is going to find you. We’ll find the rest of them first, and then you won’t have any more enemies.”

“Easy for you to say,” Lily spat bitterly. 

“What is with you?” James slammed his fist on the desk. “All I’ve done is help you and try to offer advice, but you just push me away!”

“I don’t know you! You just barged into my life and expected me to be someone I’m not. Just because we’re partners does not mean that you need to know about my personal problems. This is a professional relationship.” Lily glared at him. 

“Just trying to help, Evans.” 

“I don’t need your help.” Lily stood up and walked to the bathroom, trying to control her anger. 

Once in the bathroom, she used paper towels to cool down her face and tame her wild hair. She rested her hands against the sink, staring at her reflection. Before going undercover, Lily had never been afraid to fess up to mistakes, express her opinions or her disagreement with something being said. She was lively, vivacious, full of life, spirited, red-hot at any moment. But after the assignment, Lily hid everything. If she had it her way, no one at the office would know that she had switched apartments, who her family was, or that her dad was dying, or any of her likes or dislikes. While undercover, a slip up of revealing something personal could come back to haunt you if you forgot later, and Lily had learned that the best way to blend in a dangerous crowd was to hide your true feelings. If you couldn’t hide your pain or grudges in a rough crowd, you would be sought out. It’s how things worked. 

The problem was that Lily wasn’t fine, and her emotions and pains were almost constantly overflowing. Because she had been undercover, hiding her feelings, her emotions that had been bottled up for so long, were now pushing her apart, seam by seam. The life inside of her that she used to have was now hurting her. It was a daily struggle to hide everything she felt, and she was close to shattering, no matter how strong she was. She had already let Marlene and James know about her personal life, and that was two more than she wanted to know.

 _It’s over._ Lily told herself, not for the first time. _It’s in the past, and if I don’t get it together, someone will notice._ She swept her hair into a ponytail and strode out of the bathroom, prepared to ignore Potter for the rest of the day. 

She eased into her chair, glancing at Potter, who met her eyes briefly and looked away quickly. They fell into an uneasy silence, continuing with their work, talking to each other only to discuss case questions. 

“McGonagall asked me to look over this evidence with you.”

Lily looked up and took the stack of papers he was holding out to her. She groaned when she saw what it was. “The money laundering case again? I thought we had enough evidence already.”

“McGonagall said that they needed more evidence, especially because they think that money laundering isn’t the worst they’re doing.”

“Because they’re related to Bellatrix Black? And the Lestranges?”

He nodded, all businesslike now. “Apparently they haven’t had any contact with each other in years, so they don’t think they’re involved in what you were investigating. They think it has more to do with a separate gambling ring.”

“Two separate families who have never had any connection who just happen to be in the same type of illegal crimes?”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought too. They just want us to look at the evidence again.”

“This is pointless - we should be actively trying to get them and not just going over the same evidence again!”

James nodded and threw another paper at her. “Minnie said we had to wait.”

Lily sighed and clicked a pen, frowning over the numbers and piles on printed emails, and the pair fell into silence again. 

When the day was over, Lily grabbed her coat, swept past Marlene, still angry, and walked to her car. 

Her eyes were down, and she didn’t notice Sirius leaning against her car until she nearly ran into him. 

“What are you doing here?” Lily narrowed her eyes dangerously. She cursed herself for not being vigilant. This wasn’t like her. “Did Potter send you?”

Sirius smirked. “You wish. No, Marlene did. But I’ve been meaning to talk to you anyway.”

Lily unlocked her car. “Why is everyone so worried about me?”

Sirius stood in front of her car door quickly, blocking her from entering. “Marlene said you were having family issues.”

“Marlene should learn to shut her trap.”

“You should learn to open up.”

“Mind your own business, Black,” Lily snapped. “Move out of my way.”

Sirius hesitated, then began speaking softly. “This isn’t you Lily. Something is really bothering you.”

“How do you know?”

“I’ve seen you before, a couple times. Different trainings and stuff.”

Lily bit her lip. “I don’t remember you.”

Sirius waved her off. “We never officially met, but you’re hard to miss Lily. I’m observant in general, and you were so loud and lively. You always had top marks too, not to mention the top recruit. Everyone knows who you are. Always positive, but not… not annoying. Perfect mix somehow. You’re a natural leader.”

“And you’re saying I’ve changed?”

He nodded. “Did you know Potter told everyone how you ran after Lestrange in heels and a gash in your leg? I’ve never even heard of anything like that in my entire life - and I’ve done a lot of crazy stunts.”

“What’s your point?”

“You don’t talk about anything. You’re a shell of yourself. Even I can see that. And… if you’re having family problems on top of recovering from everything, you won’t last long if someone doesn’t help you.”

Lily stared at the floor, slowly realizing that maybe Sirius had a point. “How can I trust you? I’ve known you for only a couple months.”

“My parents think they’re better than anyone else. They’re rotten rich, and evil, almost as bad as the Riddle family. They’ve never killed anyone, but they’ve thought about it.” He took a deep breath, and his voice was scratchy, rough. “One day I couldn’t take it anymore. I was fifteen. I didn’t know where to go, but James took me in from then on. His family made me a part of them, taught me to shave, bought me a car, sent me to college. They got me back on the right track. I still see my brother sometimes, but he’s just as bad as them. For a while, it was really hard for me to accept anyone back in, and I still can’t open up all the way. Can’t keep a relationship, and the only real friends I’ve had is James, Remus, and Peter. I can’t trust anyone else. But I got my personality back.”

“So why are you telling me this?”

“I’m not sure what’s going on with you, but I know that your family isn’t treating you great either. Maybe I can help.”

“It’s a lot more than just my family Sirius. They’re good people... but my sister has convinced them that I’m going to kill them.”

“The best thing I can say is to just push past it. This will blow over in a couple years. They’ll miss you. Whatever thing is causing the trouble will be gone, and you can move on.”

“Years?”

“Yeah.”

“I don’t have years to wait for them.” Lily shifted her bag on her shoulder. “My dad’s dying.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah,” She said it softly, letting the word rot in her mouth.

“Are you close?”

“We were closer than my mom and I. She was always the bridge between my sister and I, and I usually took out my anger on her. My dad was the peacemaker.”

“Shit Evans, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. It happens.” 

“That’s what is really bothering you isn’t it? Not that your sister is turning against you, but that your dad won’t want to see you before...”

Lily sighed and leaned against the car. “Yeah.”

“Oh.”

A silence stretched between them, and Lily cursed herself for opening up again. “Don’t tell anyone about this please.”

Sirius nodded and pulled away from her car. “I won’t. I can understand keeping secrets.”

“Thanks for the advice.” Lily opened the door and slid in. “Good night.”

“And Lily? Don’t let yourself push everyone away for trying to help.”

Lily smiled at him briefly, but she was too tired to keep it up. “I’ll try my best.”

“See ya later, Lils.”

XXX

After talking with Sirius, Lily felt a little better, and after taking a long shower, she slightly slept better than she had in weeks. Although she was still exhausted, she got to work on time in clean clothes and a full breakfast. 

As work began, Lily’s lips twitched as she walked in on Potter seriously debating with Remus whether kittens or puppies were cuter. 

“- All I’m saying is that you have to train puppies, but kittens are perfect the way they are -” Potter was saying. 

“And you can play with puppies, cats just lay around -” Remus spoke over James, showing him a picture on his phone. “Puppies are definitely cuter.”

James swung around on his chair, facing Lily. “Puppies or Kittens?”

“Easy, Dogs.”

James groaned, and swung towards Marlene’s desk. “Marlene! Cats or Dogs?”

“Cats, dogs can rip you to shreds you.”

James grinned. “Gnarly, but that makes it two to two. Padfoot?”

“Dogs.”

“Peter?” 

Peter looked up from his phone, setting it down quickly. “I’m not a fan of either, but I’d have to say cats.”

Remus threw up his hands. “Dogs are cute, loyal, _and_ they cuddle. Anyone who thinks different is wrong.”

McGonagall came out of her office, holding a stack of papers. Setting them on a desk, she turned to Potter and said “I’d like you to know Mr. Lupin, cats are the superior animal. And Mr. Potter, don’t you have work to be doing?”

Potter shot a fist into the air, twirling around on his chair. “Beat that Lupin! Three vs. two.”

Lily laughed as Remus flipped James off as he slid off the desk. McGonagall returned to her office, and Marlene leaned against Lily’s desk tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Want to get lunch later? I heard there’s a new Thai place down the street.”

Lily smiled. “I’d love to.” As Marlene began to talk about the newest episode of the Bachelorette, Lily kept a smile on her face, only half-listening. On the other side of the desk, James reached over and grabbed a pen and flicked it at Lily. Hitting her in the face, she nearly screamed, startled. 

He smirked as she chucked it across the room at him, missing by an embarrassing amount. 

Lily frowned. “Would you quit that? And stop leaving crumbs on your desk, it will attract ants.”

James rolled his eyes. “We’ve been over this. _This_ -” he gestured to his desk, cluttered with yo-yos and messy folders. “-is my desk. You can complain all you want, but you have no authority over _my_ desk -”

“- But I can’t eat yogurt on my side of the desk because -”

“- you eat it sexually.”

“And please explain, again, how I eat yogurt sexually?” Lily sat back and crossed her arms, and James put his feet on the table, opening his mouth to reply. Marlene threw up her hands. 

“You fight like a married couple. Have a good shag, get it all out, this is ridiculous.” She stood up and walked away, swinging her hips subtly as she walked by Sirius’ desk. James wiggled his eyebrows. “Meet you after work Evans?”

Now Lily rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “In your dreams, Potter.” She tucked a piece of hair behind her ears and opened her new case study. 

By lunchtime, Lily’s appetite was back. When it was near noon, she walked over to Marlene’s desk. “Hey Marlene, ready?”

“Yeah, give me one sec.” Marlene held up a finger, a pen frantically scribbling away. “I’m almost done.”

“Can I come?” Sirius asked, popping his head over the desk.

“And me?” James called, yelled across the room. 

Lily shrugged, grabbing her coat. “I guess.”

Remus and Peter joined the group and they trooped out the door. James fell back into step next to her, running a hand through his hair. 

“I talked to McGonagall yesterday about some of the other men that you might have met while undercover.”

Lily grunted noncommittally. James continued. “There was a possible sighting in an apartment on the west side, but no one can prove it’s them, and without proof and a warrant, we can’t do anything.”

Lily was silent. James ran another hand through his hair. 

“I’m really sorry about all… of that, Evans.”

“Potter, I promise, it’s fine. You’re a prick, but it’s fine. Stop worrying about it.”

James stopped walking, hands in his pockets. “You aren’t worried about it anymore?”

Lily kept walking, hands waving in the air for emphasis. “I mean, of course I am, but I look different, have a different name now. No one except for Lestrange knows it’s me, and he’s not allowed to see anyone in prison.”

“Have you seen the reports? There are more and more hints of people we didn’t catch. Instead of hiding or leaving as we expected, they’re forming another gang. We think they are calling themselves death eaters. And if someone meets up with Lestrange, or finds out somehow, it wouldn’t be hard to find you.”

“They wouldn’t know my disguise. Potter, you’re being overdramatic.” But still, what he was saying had some truth. Her heart seemed to squeeze a little tighter and her breathing increased. 

“Uh huh. And what if I said we might have a spy in our office?”

Lily rolled her eyes. “That’s impossible.”

James looked at her sideways, lowering his head. “I wish.”

“Are you being serious? Or are you just trying to scare me?”

“I’m being serious! We sent someone else undercover a few weeks ago to assess the damage, and they said they know things that are only coming from our office.”

“Do we have any idea?” 

“None. But Lily… you’re a prime suspect.”

Lily looked down. “Makes sense.”

They were silent for a minute, as Lily tried to digest the information. Lily spoke first. “Do you trust me?”

James didn’t answer. Lily nodded and bit her lip. “I understand if you don’t, don’t worry -”

“I trust you, Lily. Going undercover nearly killed you, but you are too much of a fighter to give in.”

“There’s a but coming,” Lily said wryly. 

“But… I don’t think other people do.”

“As in everyone? Sirius, Marlene? They’re just friends with me to watch me?”

“No, no, no, everyone likes you but, everyone is suspicious of each other right now too. Not just you.”

“But especially me.”

He nodded quickly, not meeting her eyes. Lily nodded at this. “I understand.”

“And… I’m sorry to tell you Evans, but I felt like you should know.”

Lily looked up at him. “Thanks for being honest James, and I promise, I won’t break your trust.”

He smiled, and grabbed the door, holding it open for her. The smells of the restaurant filled her senses, but it couldn’t drag the worry out of her mind. 

For a while, Lily was sure that since there had been no sign of any members of the Riddle family for nearly three months, the danger was gone. But she couldn’t count herself safe yet. 

The thing that scared her the most was that people didn’t trust her. Lily was so used to not trusting people, she couldn’t imagine people not trusting her, especially when she knew that she wasn’t hiding anything. And, the worst part is, because she had spent time undercover, she could understand why they might be suspicious of her. 

When the waiter came over, Lily was staring at the menu, lost in thought and fear about Lestrange. James, sitting next to her, placed a hand gently on her back and ordered for her. When she looked up a second later, he gave her a quick reassuring smile. Marlene saw this and gave her a kick under the table, and an exaggerated wink. Lily shook her head slightly, glaring at her. She tried to focus on the conversation, but there were too many distractions for her to deal with. The crying baby on the other side of the restaurant, people passing by in the window, a crash from the kitchens, Sirius’ loud laugh. It all overwhelmed her, and she forced herself to breathe, and luckily succeeded in remaining calm. 

When Lily went to pay, James quickly stopped her, forcing the waiter to take his cash over hers. Once outside the restaurant, Lily lightly punched his shoulder. “I can pay for myself, you know.”

“I know,” James said, running a hand through his hair. “I just thought… maybe you need a little help.”

“Help? I have the same job as you do, we get paid the same amount.”

“But I don’t have a dad who is…”

“Dying.”

“Yeah. Just this once, ok?” 

Lily frowned, hating the idea of accepting help. “Fine. Just this once.” James nodded, and they sped up together to catch up with the group. 

XXX

That Friday night, Lily picked up her ringing phone, not recognizing the caller. She paused the tv screen. “Hello?”

“Is this Ms. Lily Evans?” The voice was a soft, apologetic voice.

“Yes, that’s me.”

“Are you sitting down right now?”

Lily sat up, now on edge. “Who is this?”

There was a pause, then they continued. “I’m sorry to inform you Ms. Evans, but your father passed away twenty minutes ago in the hospital.”

Lily gripped the phone like a lifeline, fingers digging into the case. “What? You must be -”

“I’m sorry ma’am. Your mother is too distraught to call, but asked that you be called.”

“He was supposed to have a few more months, more treatments…” Lily trailed off. 

“I’m sorry ma’am. Your mother… she needs some support. Are you able to come in?” 

Lily’s voice shook as she replied. “I’ll be right there.” Not processing fully what had happened, she jogged to her car, fumbling with the keys as she got in. 

Once she was in the hospital, a nurse directed her to the third floor, where she saw her mother sitting outside a room, tears flowing silently down her cheeks. Petunia sat next to her, her skin white and clammy, holding her mother’s hand. Lily sat down on the other side of her but jumped up as a nurse passed by. 

“Is he… really… Mr. Evans, he’s passed away?”

The nurse nodded. “I’m sorry ma’am, about half an hour ago. We just took him out of the room.”

Lily sat back down, now really realizing that her father really was dead. But she wasn’t crying, she was angry. 

“He was supposed to have a few more weeks! When did he get put in the hospital? Why didn’t anyone call?”

Petunia dabbed at her eyes. “It all happened so fast, we didn’t think to call-”

“Petunia, when did he come in?”

She cried harder, and Lily stood up. “Last night. He was having trouble breathing, but we… didn’t want you to put us in danger.”

Now her mother looked up, eyes emotionless and red. “We wanted to tell you in person, but I guess they told you over the phone. You may come to the funeral, but stay far back, and don’t talk to anyone. But after that Lily, we… we don’t want to see you again. Lily, please… please leave.”

“Leave?” taking a step back, Lily stumbled into a chair, but righted herself. “He’s my father too.”

“He _was_ your father Lily. And… if you don’t leave right now, I’m going to call security.”

Lily nodded, still not processing everything that had happened, once again. She hadn’t even talked to her father in six months, besides a single rushed phone call when she had returned. She took a shaky breath and clenched her fists. “Ok. Alright, that’s fine. Ok. Fine. I’m… going to leave.” She turned and walked slowly at first, then faster and faster, down the hall, down the stairs, out the hospital doors, and into her car. 

Sobs wracked her body in the car. She couldn’t breathe, her chest was on fire, tears ran down her face, soaking her shirt, her hair, the chair. Her head was pounding, her heart felt like it would explode out of her brain or sink through her stomach. Blood appeared where her fingernails had bit into her palm when she clenched her fists. She couldn’t see, her eyes were swollen shut, tears finally run dry. She stayed in her car for almost an hour before she even started the car, shivering against the barely noticable cold. 

Twice she had to pull over before getting home because she couldn’t stop more tears from flowing, once in a Walmart parking lot, and once on the side of the road. 

When she stumbled into her apartment, she curled up on her bed, clutching her phone as she dialed Marlene’s number. When Marlene answered, Lily couldn’t stop herself from sobbing, not able to say anything. 

“Oh, honey… I’ll be right over,” was all she said before hanging up. But ten minutes later, it wasn’t Marlene who opened her door. 

James Potter stood next to Lily’s bed awkwardly. He ran a hand through his hair. “Is everything ok Lily? Marlene couldn’t make it, she got called into work right after you called.”

Lily had hidden her head under her pillow, but James could still see her body shaking under the mountain of blankets. Sitting on the edge of the bed, he stroked her back gently, not saying a word. He looked around the apartment. It was small, sparsely furnished, few decorations, but still seemed alive - like Lily had been there. A painting of a sunflower hung on one wall, red pots and blue cups filled the sink, a checkered tablecloth on the table. A copy of the entire collection of _Friends_ , books on the floor, table, counters. Slowly, she calmed down, falling asleep sometime after midnight. 

James woke up groggily, noticing that he was still wearing shoes and jeans. Not recognizing his surroundings, he turned his head. He remembered suddenly when he saw Lily across from him. _I must have fallen asleep at some point._ He thought. He was lying on a cramped couch, and he could feel his body cramped and full of knots from the long night. He rolled out his shoulders, trying to appease his aching muscles. 

Looking at Lily again, he saw that she was a mess. Her face was red and blotchy, hair falling limply around her. She looked peaceful sleeping, so he got up and began making breakfast with what sparse food she had. 

When she finally woke up, it was past noon, and the pancakes that James had scrounged together were sitting cold in the microwave. James was sitting there, watching her as she slowly opened her eyes to the sunlight filling the room. 

“Hey,” he said. 

“What time is it?” she sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes.

“Nearly noon. I made you some breakfast, are you hungry?”

Lily nodded and padded over to the table, blankets still wrapped tightly around her. After she had eaten her fill, she went back to lay on her bed. 

“Are you alright?” James asked. 

Lily took a minute to reply, not trusting her voice. “My dad died.”

“Fuck, Lil, I’m really sorry. He was supposed to have more time, right?”

“Yeah. At least a few more… a few more months.”

“Are you going to be okay?”

She shrugged. It seemed to be her favorite gesture lately. A shrug seemed to convey a thousand words, words she didn’t have to express what she wanted to say. A silence filled the room. “Why did Marlene send you?”

“She and Sirius got called into work, and Remus wasn’t feeling good. She tried Peter, but he didn’t answer. I hope… that’s ok.”

She waved at him weakly, but her voice had an edge of coldness. “It’s fine. Don’t tell anyone though, I want everything to stay the same. They already know too much.”

He nodded. “You should go shower. It always makes me feel better.”

“I will. Thanks for coming… I think I’m fine now.” 

James ran a hand through his hair again as Lily stumbled towards the shower. Once he heard the water turn on, he grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. Just as his hand reached the door handle, he heard a muffled sob come from the bathroom. He paused, not wanting to overstay his welcome, but also knowing the heartache that came from losing a parent. 

The sobs continued, and James’ heart ached for her. Even if they didn’t get along, he couldn’t just leave her alone. She’d been through too much to just let her be alone now. Groaning, he flopped back down on the dingy couch. 

She finally emerged from the shower twenty minutes later, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a baggy concert shirt, and toweling her hair dry. She stopped short when she saw James still sitting there, her eyes sunken and hollow. An unbidden tear leaked down her cheek, and in nearly an instant, was sobbing. James shot up, wrapping his arms around her shaking form. He pulled the towel gently from her, letting it drop to the floor. She clutched him tightly, her tears soaking his wrinkled shirt. He helped her sit down on the couch, pulling her close. As she cried into his shoulder, he stroked her back, her wet hair pressing against his face. Her shampoo smell drifted into his nose, nearly overpowering him. _It smells good,_ he thought briefly. 

She fisted his shirt, pulling him even closer, mumbling something incoherent.

“What?”

“Sorry.”

“Lily, you don’t have anything to be sorry for.”

She choked out a laugh. “I ruined your shirt.”

He shrugged gently. “Shirts can be washed.”

She smiled and the tears stopped. Reluctant to move, James shifted slightly so that her head was resting on his shoulder and grabbed her hand that had fallen in her lap. “You’re gonna be alright Lily.”

“It... hurts so fucking much. I didn’t even get to talk to him”

“I know, I know. I… lost my parents. Two years ago.”

Lily tensed. “How?”

“Car accident. My mom made it out ok, but she got pneumonia a few months later, and she was already getting old.”

Lily brushed her thumb over his hand. “I’m so sorry.”

He shrugged yet again. “It’s fine. I wish I had some more time with them, but Sirius helped me through it. But I know how you’re feeling.” 

“Does it get better? It’s only been a day but -”

“- you still feel like your heart breaks at the thought of him, a pressure weighing on your chest, always crushing you. Yeah, I still feel that. It doesn’t get easier, but you learn to deal with it.” 

“Oh,”

“Yeah. Death sucks.”

There was a long silence. Lily wiped her cheeks again.“Thanks for staying. I probably won’t come into work Monday, but I’ll be there Tuesday.”

“Don’t worry about it. I promised Remus I would bring him some soup tonight, but I’ll come back tomorrow, ok? Drink water, eat something. Distract yourself for a while.”

Lily nodded and murmured her thanks. James pulled himself gently away, grabbed his coat. He slipped out the door and shut it softly behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr @jilyss! and kudos/comments are always appreciated :)


	5. Chapter Five

On Tuesday, Lily returned to work, a smile on her face, and her eyes slightly red. Her heart felt like it had been trampled by a dozen horses, and she could barely get out of bed. It was only her determination to return to ‘normal’ that she was able to force herself out of the door without crying. Marlene pretended not to notice when Lily took an extra bathroom break and came back with a flushed face, and Remus didn’t comment when she ate lunch at her desk instead of the break room. Lily avoided looking at James, too embarrassed and ashamed to have been seen at her lowest point. 

The funeral was easily the hardest thing she’s ever had to do in her life. There were only a few close family members that could make it, and most avoided her like the plague, probably because of Petunia’s whispered lies.

After the small service, Lily had stepped forward to say goodbye. She knelt next to the freshly dug grave, placing a white carnation next to the headstone. Her thoughts were a mess - grief, anger, pain, and frustration all swirling around, washing in and out in droves. One second she would have a handle on it, and in the next she would remember the times her dad used to take her out to the family diner down the street in Cokeworth, with the big greasy hamburgers and giant shakes, and she could barely hold it together. 

As she blinked rapidly, Petunia grabbed her arm and yanked her up, all while drawing as little attention to herself as possible. Shocked, although by now she should have just expected it, Lily raised her head to see Petunia, slumped, and eyes hooded, looking anywhere but her. Uncertain, Lily turned to talk to her mother briefly, but she avoided all eye contact and remained mute towards her, instead staring at the solemn headstone.

Petunia grabbed her arm again a minute later, pinching her sharply. “It’s time for you to leave.”

Lily opened her mouth to protest, glancing at her mother, who she thought would have at least acknowledged her. Now, she was staring blankly at her, unflinching. It was like she didn’t even know her. Petunia pinched her sharply. “You’re not welcome anymore. If we ever see you again, we will call the police.”

Lily looked from Petunia to her family, who were all watching now, with dark, cold stares, mouths pressed in a grim line. If it hadn’t been clear before, it was clear now. They were afraid of her, but they also hated her. Lily had known this before - even thought that she had accepted it, but this was the last time she would see the people she loved. They hated her, and it was finally sinking in. Her last shred of hope that they might understand that they were safe with her, or that her mother might decide to not lose two family members in a week was gone. It was over, and Lily didn’t have a family anymore. 

Her eyes were wide and unseeing as she turned towards her car. Tears didn’t come, her eyes were long dry. She slid her key into the lock, opening the door. She turned back and looked at her family once more. Petunia’s back was straight and proper once again, like kicking Lily out of the family was just one more item she could cross off her to do on her list. Lily bit her lip, trying to now hold her sudden tears in. 

She climbed in the car and drove away, her heart seemingly beating slower and slower every second she drove away from her family. Her head was pounding and her hands were shaking as she pulled into the parking lot and fumbled with her keys.

Marlene, this time, was waiting inside, drinking from a mug at her counter. As Lily stumbled in, Marlene grabbed her arm to steady her, helping her sit against the entryway. Lily couldn’t even meet her eyes, just sat down curled against the wall, eyes blank, her tears run out again.

“Are you going to be ok?” she asked quietly, rubbing her back soothingly. 

Lily didn’t - couldn’t answer.

“We’re here for you Lils, don’t forget that.” 

They both fell silent, and Lily was thankful. She needed someone with her, but she was too distraught to even process what Marlene had said or the emotions of losing her entire family. All she could think about was her father’s grave, cold and alone in the ground, and her mother’s unwavering stare.

XXX

Lily returned to work the next day, determined to not let her family ruin her. Although she was still grieving for her father, she had decided over the night that he wouldn’t be happy if she became even more of a shell of her former self. Still, she didn’t anticipate how hard it would be to deal with people offering condolences or being a bit too happy around her. Halfway through the day, after the sixth “let me know if you need anything” from a passing coworker, she slammed her pen down and walked outside, desperate for fresh air. 

Sirius was leaning against the brick wall, a cigarette between his fingers. He took one look at her face and offered it to her. She snatched it from him and took a long drag and exhaled before he spoke. 

“Rough day?”

“Rough year,” Lily said bitterly after a long drag. She handed the cigarette back, shoving one hand through her hair. “Not a fan of cancer.”

Sirius just shrugged, but made no move to extinguish it. “I probably should quit.”

“Probably.” Lily sat down on the sidewalk, leaning back on her hands. Sirius sat down next to her, flipping his hair back. 

“How did you deal with it?” She said, glancing at his slumped form. 

“Death? Or my family kicking me out?”

“I thought you ran away.” Sirius shrugged at Lily’s hidden question, gesturing vaguely with his hands.

“Yeah, they would have kicked me out, but I think they were trying to beat me back to fit in with them. Once I ran away, they claimed that they had kicked me out first.” 

“I’m sorry.”

He shrugged yet again. “I got out of a bad situation.”

Lily thought about her family, wondering if she had gotten out of a bad situation. They weren’t like Sirius’s family, where they tried to force him to do unspeakable things, but her family hated her. Although at first it may have just been strained, a strained relationship was better than no relationship, right?

Sirius took another long drag. “Your situation is different, Evans. And if I’m honest, I would almost rather have it my way than your way just because they never loved me. I never loved them.” He released a puff of smoke, watching it whip away in the wind.

“I was best friends with Petunia, until I went to college, training to be an officer. Then, she changed, I changed, and we never got along. And then Dad had to...get sick, I had to help pay for the bills -”

“-she blamed it on you for leaving -”

“-didn’t help pay the bills, told me I was putting her in danger -” 

“What?”

Lily glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and went back to staring at the traffic crossing the street. “She won’t talk to me now because I might be followed by Lestrange.”

“The guy James let go for five minutes? The one that’s still in jail?”

“Yeah.”

“Idiot.”

Lily snorted, throwing her head back and taking a deep breath. “Yeah. But it’s not really his fault. But it’s easy to blame it on him.”

“So she’s worried that he’ll hurt her to get to you?” Lily nodded, and Sirius dropped the cigarette, crushing it under his feet. 

“What a load of sh-”

“I know. But at the funeral, she had convinced everyone - the entire extended family - beforehand that I was some kind of monster. No one would look at me, and I couldn’t… couldn’t even put a flower on his grave.” Lily wasn’t crying, just staring emptily. “My mom wouldn’t even look at me.”

“What happens if you go to see them? Or the grave?”

“They’ll call the police.” And at that thought, Lily nearly laughed out loud, bitterly. She _was_ the police, but her family only saw her as a threat.

“So what are you going to do about it?” Sirius’ mouth was twitching as the mood shifted. “You can’t let them have the last word.”

“You told me before to just push past it, so I guess-”

He waved his hand impatiently. “Yeah, yeah, I did say that, but that’s _later_. You have to get the anger out first.”

Lily was now smiling ever so slightly. “So what did you do?”

“At least half of them were illegal, so it’s probably better that you don’t know. But you could toilet paper the house, kidnap the cat, smash the car, anything really.”

“You do realize that all of those are illegal too? And not even impressive?”

“I mean, we definitely could not, should not abuse our power -”

“Absolutely not. If someone found out, we’d lose our jobs -” Lily trailed off, but her eyes were twinkling. Sirius caught her gaze, and she grinned slightly. “I would be a fan, but not…”

“Not now. I get it.” 

Lily stood up, brushing off her pants. Sirius stood up as well and spoke again, this time his voice returning to quiet. “Just remember, at the end of the day, if they aren’t with you through thick and thin, they probably don’t deserve to be with you. You just have to ignore them and move past it. Tomorrow, just forget about it.”

XXX

Lily had finally realized that there was nothing she could do about Petunia anymore. Continuing to show up wouldn’t help her case. The best she could do was just to move on, starting with getting rid of her anger. Once the anger was gone, she could grieve, and slowly return to her former happy self. 

Late on a Tuesday night, when she should have been sleeping, she grabbed a yogurt from the fridge. As she did, the picture of her family on the fridge caught her eye, and she stifled a sigh-. It was her family, a long time ago. Lily was around ten in the picture, and Petunia was around twelve. They were on the beach, and Lily was buried in the sand, her head thrown back, laughing as Petunia smiled next to her. Her mom was sitting next to her, holding a shovel, and smiling. Her dad had turned the camera so he was in it too, poking his happy face into the edge of the frame. The photo was old, with crumbling edges. It had moved with Lily from her childhood bedroom, to her first dorm in college, and all her apartments after that, until this one. 

Now, none of those people were in her life. Although at the time, her family almost kicking her out seemed to hurt the most, now it was the grief of her father dying that seemed to hurt. She kicked off her shoes and shoved the photo into a drawer, the memories still too raw. 

But after a moment, she composed herself, deciding to instead bury herself in work. Sleep, no matter how tired she was, wouldn’t distract her from her problems and sorrows. So, she opened a case file, took a spoonful of yogurt, and did everything she possibly could to falling back into that dark hole she had been in.

XXX

Nearly two weeks later, Lily was feeling slightly better, but it could only be measured by how she looked. Her appetite had returned, a little bit of color filled her cheeks, and she put a tiny bit more effort into what she wore. But only slightly. Inside, her mind and emotions were in constant grief. 

Marlene snagged her in the parking lot before work on a Friday morning, catching her by surprise. 

“We’ve decided -” She began, folding her arms and grinning. “Meaning, Sirius and I, and James and Remus and everybody, really, that we need a night out.”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Meaning that you all feel bad for me, and it’s a pity party.”

“No, definitely not.” Marlene smiled, flashing her teeth. “It’s all been a long time since any of us have been out because of the big heist and we decided that we could all use a night out at a club.” 

“Pity party,” Lily muttered under her breath, then spoke up louder so Marlene could hear. “Where?”

“The one on the corner of 167th and Evergreen? We’re meeting at 8.”

Lily didn’t know the one but nodded anyway. “I’ll come. But I don’t want to stay long, ok?”

But Marlene was already walking quickly, talking excitedly. “This will be good for you, it’s been so long since you’ve been out, and I promise you won’t-”

Lily stopped listening, already planning on wearing jeans and at least a clean shirt, and only staying long enough for one drink. She was too tired to deal with anyone, and she was definitely too tired to deal with a hangover tomorrow morning. 

Surprisingly, everyone kept relatively quiet about it, most likely to hide from McGonagall that they would all be out together. Not that anyone would mind them coming, but with such a large, fresh out of college group of coworkers, things were bound to get a little rowdy. 

After work, Lily left quickly and picked up takeout from the Chinese restaurant down the street. Once she arrived home, she changed into sweats and pulled out her work. 

At eight o’clock, she glanced at the clock and continued working, and thought about texting Marlene that she was running late, but decided to just wait a few more minutes before she changed. 

Half an hour later, there was a loud knock at the door and her head popped up. Lily groaned and swung open the door. James stood there, a hand in his hair, and Sirius with his hands shoved in his jean pockets. 

Lily blushed a little, standing there with two nicely dressed, attractive guys, while she stood in sweats and a baggy shirt. 

James smirked and glanced at his watch. “You have five minutes, Evans.”

Lily glanced at the clock. “I think I’m just going to stay home tonight, I don’t feel -”

Sirius groaned. “Lily, you have to push past this. You can’t just stay inside all the time. It’s been three weeks and you barely talk or eat.”

Now Lily groaned. “I’m getting better.”

James ran a hand through his hair again, sighing. “Evans, go get some real clothes on, or I’ll come in there and choose an outfit myself.”

Lily tapped her foot on the floor. She met James’ eyes, trying to convince him to leave, but his eyes were laughing at her and she knew she didn’t have a choice. She broke his gaze and slammed the door, cursing as she went into her room. She threw on a lacy tank top and a pair of black jeans, pulled on a pair of sandals, and let her hair out of her braid. Not bothering with much makeup, she grabbed her keys and opened the door. 

Sirius whistled when she came out and she flipped him off before locking the door. “Didn’t try too hard did you, Evans?”

“Piss off Sirius,” James said. He turned to Lily and smirked, eyes glancing quickly up and down. “Looking good, Evans.”

Lily smacked his shoulder, his mood making her smile slightly. “I’ll drive my own car. I’ll see you there.” She turned to go, but Sirius grabbed her. 

“Not so fast. Marly said you would do this so that you could leave early, but that’s not happening. You’re riding with us so you don’t leave before the party has even started.”

James laughed at the expression on her face and pointed to a Tesla on the other side of the parking lot. “I’m driving.” 

Lily’s jaw dropped. “You’re a police officer, just out of college, and you drive a _Tesla_?”

James had a hand in his hair again, shrugging. As he did so, his shirt rode up and a patch of tan skin showed beneath his polo shirt. Sirius laughed, nudging him with his shoulder. “He’s rich. Or at least, his parents are rich.”

Lily looked back at the apartment where she lived, blushing. Embarrassed that she lived in such a dingy apartment and that she drove an old car, she ignored Sirius’ knowing smirk. James started walking towards his car, flipping the keys in his hand. Sirius pushed the small of her back gently and Lily glared at him before turning towards the car. 

Once at the club, a lively, expensive place Lily would never have willingly gone to, she

spotted Marlene in a booth sitting next to Remus. Marlene was laughing at something Remus was saying, throwing her head back. She raised her glass and caught the group out of the corner of her eye and waved them over. 

Lily sat down heavily and propped her head up on a fist, glaring at Marlene, who rolled her eyes and ordered her a drink. The conversation continued for a while. Lily chose to mostly watch the crowd. She stood up a few minutes later and headed towards the bar. She waved the bartender over and ordered a strong drink. It didn’t take long for her to finish it and order another one. 

Just as she finished the second drink, and hand stopped her from waving the bartender over again. 

“Wow Evans, slow down. We’ve only been here a few minutes.” His hand gently pulled her back to the counter. Lily picked up the empty glass and twirled it in her fingers. 

“If I’m drunk I won’t remember any of this,” she pointed out. James slid onto the stool next to her. 

“And that’s your solution? To everything?”

She shrugged. “For right now it is.”

“Lily, me and Sirius know better than anyone else how you feel right now and -”

Lily sat up straight, eyes blazing. “Potter, stop trying to be useful! I don’t need help, I don’t need an intervention like this, and I don’t need you, of all people to be harping on me about how I need to -”

James held up a hand. “Listen, Evans, I’m not gonna bother you, but Sirius and I are here… if you need anything, yeah?”

Lily grunted in acknowledgment. “I’m not an imbecile. You’ve satisfied your guilty conscience by getting me out of the house - go do something else.” 

James let out an angry sigh. “You’re impossible Evans, why don’t you just get some help?”

Lily slammed her drink down, angry retort ready on her lips, but James had already walked away. She pulled out her phone and called an uber, already knowing that she was only going to drag everyone else’s fun down. And right now, she couldn’t even think over the loud music. 

When she got the notification that her ride was here, she paid for her drinks, barely even glancing at her friends at the table. Once she was home, she tossed her shoes to the side and collapsed on the couch, with a heavy, miserable heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! leave a comment/kudos and I'll love you forever! find me on tumblr @jilyss


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is where it really starts to get exciting. hope you enjoy!

Monday morning, Lily arrived at the precinct, somewhat rested and prepared for the day. James arrived a few minutes later, and they settled into their routine silence. Lily worked steadily through the morning, although still a little bit upset at their argument three days previous. It wouldn’t have bothered her so much because as she had simmered on her anger over the weekend, she had realized that it was mostly her fault. She had been rude and cold to all her friends when they were just trying to be make her feel better, although she wasn’t ready to apologize, especially to James. He had been watching her closely all morning, and it was starting to grate on her nerves. 

They each spent the morning catching up on paperwork, processing new arrests, and speaking minimally to each other. The precinct seemed busier than usual, and by lunchtime, Lily was feeling overwhelmed and anxious again. Just before Lily was going to go to lunch, Captain McGonagall threw open her door and called for both James and Lily. 

As they walked in, Lily took in the unusual state of Captain McGonagall. Normally orderly and conscientious, today, McGonagall’s lips were pursed in a tight line and strands of hair were falling into her face. Her desk, usually very tidy and neat, had post it notes and spare papers scattered haphazardly. James and Lily shared a confused look as they stood down across from her. 

McGonagall cut right to the chase, sitting down on the edge of her seat, shuffling through a stack of manila folders. “A precinct in Los Angeles radioed in this morning. At the moment, the LAPD have a similar, high profile gang living in the Beverly Hills area. Most of those involved are wealthier individuals, including one individual Lily worked with while undercover.” She finally looked up at them, noticing they were still standing. She gestured for them to sit, and slid a tin of cookies at them. “Have a biscuit.”

They both shook their heads, not wanting to be distracted from McGonagall’s news. Various names of high profile people Lily had met flashed through her mind, but she had no idea who it could be, not aware that anyone was living in Los Angeles. McGonagall peered at them over her glasses. “Have a biscuit,” she repeated, peering at them over her glasses. Not one to argue with Captain McGonagall, Lily and James each took one, and surprisingly, they were delicious. 

“The detectives in Los Angeles are requesting Ms. Evans specifically. This group is involved distantly with the one Lily helped dismantle. One of Lestrange’s cousins, Ava Lestrange, who I believe Ms. Evans has met several times while undercover.” Lily nodded briefly in confirmation. Ava, although not as unpleasant as her sister in law, was just as corrupt as Bellatrix. They had met once at one of Riddle’s meetings when Rosier had been invited. That was before Rosier and Lily were officially together. Ava had said little, just watching with stringy black hair and beady eyes. They had met several times after that, and although Lily hated her guts, Ava wasn’t a bad friend. She was only a few years older than her and had gone through a bad breakup. Both of Ava’s best friends were in jail, and for whatever reason, Ava had turned to Lily for help. 

“Ava Lestrange has never been convicted but has long been suspected because of her relationship with her cousin. However, recently Chase Booth, her secretary, disappeared. Vanished. And this isn’t the first time - Eli Fisher and Everett Holland, both former bodyguards, disappeared three years ago.” McGonagall took off her glasses and set them on the desk in front of her. “I need you, Ms. Evans, to move to LA, and find out what you can about Ava Lestrange.”

Lily leaned back in her chair, blinking rapidly. Each sentence McGonagall said threw Lily for a separate spin, and her brain wasn’t quite working yet. James stiffened next to her. McGonagall continued. “You will not be continuing your role as Rosier’s girlfriend, however, Mr. Potter will be taking that role as added protection.” Lily’s fists clenched the chairs of her arm, but McGonagall pushed on. “Ms. Evans and Mr. Potter will have just moved to LA to start a small startup as a newly engaged couple. Ms. Evans will be claiming that she wants to start a new business after the Riddle fiasco, however over the course of the mission, will revert more and more back to her old ways to gain trust with Ava.”

She let them soak up the information for a moment. “Mr. Lestrange has had no contact with anyone inside the prison. There is no chance anyone has found out Lily’s former assignment, leaving a perfect opportunity for her to slip back in.”

“When?” Lily said suddenly. “Soon?”

McGonagall. “We’d like you to leave two days from now, if possible. From now on, you two will spend as much time together as you can getting to know each other. As Ms. Evans knows well, and I’m sure Mr. Potter will soon learn, we can’t afford any mistakes. It should only be a two month assignment at the most - obviously, you will tell us everything as you learn more. Then, we swoop in and capture Ava, hopefully with whatever information you can dig up. Any questions?”

James had been uncharacteristically silent throughout the whole meeting. Suddenly, he spoke, voice a little higher pitched than normal. “I don’t think Lily should be back out on assignment,” he said bluntly. Lily whipped around at him. 

“Are you kidding me?” Lily spat. He held up his hands quickly in defense. “To be fair, you just returned from a six month mission, lost your dad and seperated from your entire family. I wouldn’t be the only one to say you aren’t completely alright.” 

McGonagall nodded at James’ words, but when he was finished she sighed and leaned forward on the desk. “Unfortunately, unless Lily doesn’t accept, we have no choice but to continue this mission. This is our last chance to sweep out the last of Riddle’s gang.”

“I accept,” Lily said immediately. Although she might partially agree with James at the moment, by him speaking aloud her worries sent her into an immediate state of denial. Just by him saying ‘she’s not ready’ made her want to go just in spite. 

“And what if I don’t accept?” James asked. McGonagall raised her eyebrows. “We will ask someone else - it doesn’t have to be you, but since you both have worked together for long enough, we believe you are the best choice in such a short notice, despite your differences.” 

James groaned and put his head in his hands. “There’s no way I’m letting Sirius go undercover before me. I’m in.”

Lily glanced over at him, hoping he knew what he was getting himself into. It wasn’t a joke, and if he didn’t know that yet, they were all in danger. 

It was settled. McGonagall filled them in on the rest of the details, and sent them home to pack. Marlene joined Lily at home a few hours later, helping her choose the most chic outfits. Ava had always prided herself on her fashion appearance, and Lily hadn’t been shopping since she’d returned from her previous assignment. 

“You know, you’re going to be spending a lot time with James,” Marlene said, late that night as she folded a pair of pants.

“Mm,” Lily said noncommittally, not sure where she was going.

“Are you two going to be able to get along?” 

Lily tucked a pair of boots into her suitcase and zipped it up. “Yeah, we’ve survived this long, haven’t we?”

“I guess.” Marlene stacked another stuffed suitcase next to Lily’s. “I know you won’t be able to call me, and you don’t like him all that much, but… James is a good listener. If you’re ever having a bad day with family or anything… just talk with him, yeah?”

Lily thought back to when she had found out her dad had passed away. James had been so kind, staying the night with her to make sure she was ok. His parents had passed away too, so he knew how it felt. She didn’t want him to see her like that again however. Lily preferred hiding her emotions ever since returning from assignment, and she wasn’t sure she wanted James to get all careful and tiptoe around her all day. “Yeah,” she finally said, although she had no intention of doing so. “Yeah, I’ll talk to him. But only if I need to.”

Marlene, nodded, satisfied at Lily’s response, and pulled her in for a hug. “I’m going to miss you! I’ll make sure you have some new groceries when you come back, and keep everything clean.” Lily smiled, knowing Marlene was too good for her.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been the greatest friend lately,” she said, pulling away from the hug. “I just… I’ll try to be better.”

Marlene waved a hand. “Hun, you’ve had the worst year of your life. That’s what I’m here for.” She stepped out into the kitchen. “Get some sleep, who knows how much sleep you’ll get sleeping in the same bed as James.” She sent Lily a gigantic wink, and Lily hit her shoulder. “Marlene, you have two seconds before I kick you out -”

“I’m going, I’m going!” Marlene said, opening the front door. Lily shoved her out, blushing. 

“Bye! I’ll miss you! Keep Sirius out of trouble!” Lily called after her, still laughing. When she saw Marlene safely get into her car, Lily closed the door and surveyed their work. Luckily, they had gotten everything packed, but she still needed to clean out her kitchen so that nothing went rotten while she was gone. 

In a better mood than she had been for a while, Lily set to work, humming. 

XXX

Before Lily knew it, she was standing in their new apartment, suitcase in hand. James closed the door behind them, hands jammed in his pockets, and wandered through the small apartment. Lily followed suit, dropping her bag in what she assumed was her room. Just as she exited the room, James walked in, setting his suitcase next to hers. 

Lily frowned. “I thought this was my room.”

“Unless you want me to sleep on the couch, I think we’re sharing this bed.” James shoved a hand through his hair. “I mean, I can if you want, but McGonagall got a single bedroom to keep up appearances... so might as well.”

Lily nodded curtly and stalked out of the room. _This was gonna be harder than I thought._ She was still upset that James had told McGonagall that she wasn’t ready for an assignment. This assignment was the exact thing that she needed. She needed something that she could focus on and give everything to, which is exactly what this mission needed. She couldn’t afford to be distracted on this assignment, meaning that she could forget all of her personal grief, at least for now. 

As she wandered around the minimalist apartment, she rolled out her shoulders from the long flight and prepared herself for upcoming months. _Two months_ , she repeated over and over to herself. Maybe what she had been missing in the months since she had returned from her previous mission was a sense of closure. No matter what she had told herself, she had never truly believed that she was safe, and this could finally change that. With no more loose ends tied up, she could finally return to some semblance of normal. Or, at least she hoped. 

The bedroom sat towards the front of the house, decorated only with a small closet and large bed. The kitchen opened into the wide living room with a tv and grey couch. Obviously, she didn’t prefer the living situation, but since it was only two months, she figured she could spend as much time as possible away from James in the living room. Although they hadn’t been fighting as much recently, things were still weird between them, and Lily didn’t feel like digging that up anytime soon. 

Exhausted already, she collapsed on the bed, not caring that James was still in the room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave comments/kudos if you enjoy! :) find me on tumblr @jilyss


	7. Chapter Seven

The very next day, Lily and James stood in front of Ava Lestrange’s door. Lily was dressed in a pair of black slacks and a v-neck blue shirt with draping sleeves. James was also wearing slacks, as well as a form-fitting polo. 

When the door opened, Ava gasped in excitement and pulled Lily into a quick hug. “Ellie! I thought you were in Chicago! I heard you were with Rosier.”

Lily tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and tilted her head. “We were more of a temporary… thing. And I’m sure you know of the whole Riddle fiasco?”

Ava flicked her eyes at James, giving him a second once over. “Who is this?”

James grabbed Lily’s left hand and flashed the shining diamond on her ring finger. He stepped forward and offered his hand, flashing one of his winning smiles. “Liam Jones, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” Lily could practically see Ava melt on the spot at James’ charm. She wanted to hate him for it because he had it so _easy_ , but as Ava invited them in, it was hard not to appreciate the gift. 

Ava’s house was perched on a hill, overlooking the city of Los Angeles. It was sleek and modern, inside and out. Ava started talking again as she led them into a minimalist living room, pouring drinks from a glass vase. “So - I know you escaped but - Rosier, have you talked to him at all?”

Lily sat down on the grey couch and grabbed James’ hand, setting their joint hands in her lap. “We broke it off the night he got arrested actually. I never got in touch with him, but I did hear he got sentenced to 18 years.”

“Yes, yes it’s a pity,” Ava handed them each a glass of scotch, but didn’t seem too upset that her cousin and friend was in jail. “So… what brings you to LA?”

Lily glanced at James, smiling a bit as if they had an inside joke. _He did have an easy smile_ , she thought briefly. She waved it off, squeezing his knee with her bedazzled left hand. “Actually, we decided to get a fresh start. After everyone went down, I met Liam. He’s an... entrepreneur, but he knew of Rosier before I did. Once we were engaged, we decided we didn’t want to be involved in that side of life anymore.”

“Are you saying… you’re leaving?”

James’ hand tightened against Lily’s, but she ignored him and let out a loud laugh. “Ava, no one in their right mind would try to get on the wrong side of Riddle, in jail or not. And for that matter, Lestrange as well.”

Ava’s tight pencil skirt crinkled as leaned down so that her elbows rested on her crossed legs. She swirled her scotch in the glass, looking down for a minute. She took a long sip, then looked directly at Lily. “You want me to put in a word with my brother? Is that the reason you came out here?”

Lily took a drink, setting it down carefully on the polished marble coffee table. “I should have clarified. We want to start our own business. We will still be involved with Riddle, but preferably at a… distance.” She shifted slightly, putting her drink down on the coffee table. “LA is a perfect place to start a business.”

“Of course, a word with Lestrange wouldn’t hurt,” Ava said dryly, tilting her head. Lily honestly didn’t know if Ava would agree. They hadn’t known each other that long, and what Ava said next could make or break their mission. The stories Lily had heard about Ava didn’t help her case either, but this was Lily’s opening. “I’ll help,” She said finally. “And I’ll try to keep you out of whatever business Lestrange tries to send you or me. But… there is one condition.”

Lily leaned back against the couch, moving their paired hands to sit in James’ lap, an easy smile on her face. James fidgeted slightly as she brushed her thumb along his lower thigh. “Name it.”

Ava seemed to like the dramatic pauses in between each of her sentences and took a minute to respond. “I trust you, Ellie. Rosier trusted you, so I trust you. But I don’t trust your fiance yet.” James dipped his head in understanding. “I’m having a dinner party on Friday night, with several friends. A few you might have met before. I have a friend who needs a package delivered. He only trusts a few people, so you’ll have to meet him then.”

Lily smiled. “We’ll be there.”

Ava stood up, and James and Lily followed suit. Lily leaned against James as they walked out the door, trailing her fingers down his arm as they separated. They said their goodbyes and departed, climbing into their rental car. 

When the car had started and they were pulling out of the neighborhood, James spoke. “That wasn’t what we went there to do,” He said roughly, pulling at his hair. “We weren’t supposed to get involved - McGonagall said that directly. Only intel.” 

Lily rolled her eyes. “We had a perfect opportunity. She’s not gonna give us information right away, Ava’s too smart for that. They all are. We gain more trust, meet some more people, means that we get more intel.” She turned on the radio to a country station. “And by the way, you need to talk more. People will start to get suspicious if you just sit there like a rock.”

“Fine.”He paused, merging onto the freeway. “You like country music? I never would have pegged you for that Evans.”

Lily rolled down the window and put her feet on the dash. “I’m an avid supporter.”

“For once we can agree on something.”

XXX

As they waited for Friday to roll around, James and Lily for the most part remained in the house. Lily had taken over the living room, spreading papers and spreadsheets around the room. James occupied the bedroom, laptop open constantly, writing up police reports and analyzing crime scene date. They generally stayed away from each other, talking only when necessary, and only bumped into each other in the kitchen. 

By six o’clock on Friday, Lily was dressed in a tight green cocktail dress, and James in a dark suit with a thin tie. They were quiet as they got into the car, although Lily did let her eyes slide over his fitted suit more than once on the ride over. When they knocked on Ava’s door for the second time in a week, Lily grabbed his hand and stepped closer to him. “Act natural,” she hissed right as the door swung open. He let a small smile ghost his lips, and Lily suddenly had to fight the urge to kiss his cheek. As Ava gave them each hugs and invited them in, Lily quickly squashed the urge, blaming it on the fact that they were now roommates. Ava had clearly already been drinking, and her distrust of James was momentarily forgotten. She introduced them to several other people already there. Lily faintly recognized some of their names from her previous undercover work, but she had never met any of them. Relieved, she slipped into her seat at the dining table, and let her hand fall into James’ lap again. 

He shot her an annoyed look. “Would you stop?” He muttered, playing with his tie. Lily batted her eyelashes flirtatiously, but her voice was aggravated. He still was clearly uncomfortable with all the affection she was showing, but she knew that when she had been with Rosier, having lots of public displays of affection had helped cover up any accidental hints she had dropped. She was a top agent, but no one can be completely perfect for six months under that kind of pressure. “We can’t pull off being a couple if you don’t-” 

She was interrupted by a thin, gangly man she had met earlier. As they started speaking, she felt James pull his hand away from hers. She tried to hold on, worried that he was angry, but instead he wrapped a warm arm around her bare shoulders and pulled her closer, leaning in to join the conversation. 

Dinner was pleasant enough. The people Ava had invited weren’t anything like people Lily had interacted with in her earlier assignment. Most of them were Ava’s cousins or close business partners, and were generally politer than the other side of the Lestranges. Although they were a little crass at times, and certainly not the stand up people she would normally want to be around, it was a nice change from the other Lestranges. 

James and Lily wandered around the first floor, talking with everyone. Ava had said that they needed to meet someone to gain their trust, but so far, no one had come forward. Lily wasn’t too concerned. Over time, she had learned that trying to pry for information is suspicious, and it was better to just let others come forward. 

As James handed Lily a drink, Ava approached them with a tall, muscular man with a sharp jawline. He wore a sharp blue suit, and was well built. Lily recognized him, but couldn’t quite place him. 

The man didn’t wait for Ava to introduce him, sticking his hand out immediately. “Lestrange, Sam Lestrange. I believe I’ve met your stunning girlfriend before.” The name Sam clicked into place and her smile suddenly widened. 

James shook his hand briefly, introducing himself and using his free hand to tuck Lily into him. Lily waved quickly. “Good to see you again Sam. How’s Lucy?”

He ducked his head sheepishly. “Adorable, as ever. Maybe I could have you watch her for an evening? She’d love to see you again.”

Lily leaned her head against James’ strong shoulder, letting a real smile overtake her for the first time that night. “Lucy is Sam’s daughter. She’s four now, right?” Sam nodded in confirmation. “She is the cutest. We’d love to watch her! Just give me a call.”

James jumped in the conversation, clearly unhappy that Lily already knew Sam. Lily couldn’t tell if he was being jealous for a show or if he was upset that Lily hadn’t told him they had met. “You’ve already met?”

Lily tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, shifting her weight. James’ fingers danced along her waist, leaving hot lines along her covered skin. “Just once. We were at dinner with some friends, and I played with Lucy for a while.” 

Sam turned to Ava. “Was this who you were talking about?”

Ava nodded. “But if you already know them, I’m sure I can find…” she trailed off weakly, clearly annoyed at this new information. 

Sam waved a hand. “I trust Ellie already. Besides, Ava you’re making this a bigger deal than it really is.”

Ava rolled her eyes and muttered something about ‘pretentious cousins’ and walked away, nearly colliding with a waiter. Sam turned back to them, hands in his pockets. “I need someone to take a shipment of artwork down to San Diego overnight. It’d be a quick job, and I’d pay well. I would do it myself, but I’m gonna be out of town that night.”

Lily glanced at James. “We moved to LA to get away, you know how crazy it is with the rest of the Lestranges. We don’t really want to get involved with anything -”

“Relax Ellie, it’s a one time thing. It’s not like their stolen or anything, just counterfeit. No one's gonna think twice about it - it’s California.”

“Do you want one or two people?” James asked. 

“Two preferably. It’ll help keep you keep awake since it needs to be overnight.”

Lily shrugged, wrapping her hands around James’ waist, feeling the hard muscles. “If it’s just a one time thing, we can do it.”

“Perfect,” Sam said, winking at her. He handed her a business card. “I’ll call you with more details in a few details.” He said his goodbyes, shaking James’ hand and kissing Lily’s cheek. 

As he walked away, James let out a low growl, letting his fingers slide from her fingers to her waist. Lily let out a laugh and reached out for his hand. “Jealous?”

“Nope, not jealous, but he’s a slimy prick if he can’t even keep his hands to himself when you’re clearly with _me._ ”

“Mmm. Not jealous at all?”

James rolled his eyes, shoving his free hand in his pocket. “How much longer do we have to stay? We met our guy, can we call it a day?”

Lily grabbed both his hands and pulled him so that their faces were almost touching. She planted a kiss right next to his lips, and pulled away laughing as he put on a dismayed look. “Relax James, we’re trying to play the cheesy couple card, remember?.” She flashed a cheeky smile at him in case anyone was watching, and disappeared to say goodbye to Ava. 

On the way home, they fell back into their silence until James spoke. “You’re good - at you know, acting.” 

Lily bit her lip, crossing her arms. “Sorry if it seems like I’m overdoing it at times. Last time - I mean, I’ve learned if you have one specific trait that always sticks out, like PDA, people tend to notice the other traits less. It makes it easier to blend in.” She poked his shoulder gently. “So maybe try to be a little more enthusiastic, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m not exactly an actor,” he huffed. “Is that how all the Lestranges are? You made it seem like the ones in Chicago were a lot different.”

Lily thought for a moment, remembering the constant arguing, fights, and loaded weapons in every room. “Yeah, they’re a lot different. These Lestranges care more about money than about power, which may not seem like a big difference, but it’s there. Here, they’re a lot less violent on the outside.” James pulled the car into the driveway, and they stopped talking until they were inside with the doors locked. “It’s hard to transfer that personality from Chicago over to stay consistent, especially with Sam and Ava here.”

James tossed the keys on the counter and kicked his shoes off. “So there’s less danger now?”

Lily frowned again, leaning against the counter as James rummaged around in the cabinets. “The danger is more subtle here. They’ll never do the dirty work themselves.” She pushed off the counter, folding her arms. “You know this is real, right?”

James shut the cupboard, holding a jar of peanut butter. “What? Why would you say that?”

“You just don’t seem that enthusiastic. You’re the one who wanted this assignment, and you aren’t even playing the part you’re supposed to.”

James set down the jar. “Are you picking _another_ fight? Of course I know this is real!”

Lily cocked her head, eyes narrowing. “I do not pick fights.”

James had turned his back, but at this, he whipped around. “ _Yes_ , you do. Back at the precinct, you’re always blaming me for everything that goes wrong, when half the time, I’m doing everything I can to keep us both afloat. I make one joke and you act the like the world is against you.”

Lily ignored him, although the words rung true. She had been using ‘my dad died and my family hates me’ excuse for too long, and it was time to stop. “This wasn’t about me back at the precinct, it’s about you, here. This isn’t a game, and you have to start acting the part,” she fired back, still angry at his inability to act like a real undercover agent. She leaned off the counter and walked toward the bedroom. “Just be careful,” she called down the hall, voice cold. 

Once inside, she slipped out of her dress and tucked it into the closet. She wasn’t allowed to have her real social media while undercover, and she had found that without it, she didn’t have anything to do to pass all the time, especially living in the same cramped house as James. 

Her phone buzzed on the nightstand. 

_This is Sam - are you still on for the delivery?_

She unlocked her phone and texted quickly back. _Yes - what time/when?_

There was no reply for a few minutes, so she got ready for bed, dressing in black sweats and a red hoodie. By the time she was in bed, so there was still no reply. Figuring he didn’t want to put the information over text, she shut the phone off and turned the lights out. 

The next morning, she woke up to a text from Sam, with a date one week out, and with delivery instructions. She screenshotted the instructions and texted them to McGonagall, then shook James awake. 

It took him a few minutes, and a lot of groaning, but eventually he was able to read the phone Lily had shoved in his hand. When he’d read it, he tossed the phone away and stumbled out of bed. “You woke me up for that?” He grumbled. 

Lily was putting on her running shoes, and swung her hair over her shoulder. James hair was sticking up all over the place, and he wasn’t wearing a shirt - not that it mattered, of course. They were roommates, anyway. She checked the time. “It’s ten o’clock. You’re getting too lazy around here. Aren’t you supposed to be building a business or something?”

James leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed. “And where are you going?”

“Running. With Ava and one of her friends.” She swung the front door open. “You’re never gonna get information if you don’t immerse yourself in it.”

By the time Lily returned from her run, James was waiting for her in the living room, hair still wet from his shower. She walked in almost an hour later, hands on hips, and drenched in sweat. James jumped up, holding his phone in one hand, and running his other through his hair. 

Lily set her shoes in the closet, watching James’ odd behavior closely. “Is… everything alright?” 

James blew out his breath. “McGonagall called.”

Lily raised her eyebrows. “And?”

“Lestrange and Rosier escaped from prison late last night. They have no clue how, but I’m really sorry and Lestrange has probably contacted Ava and Sam by now, and you can’t let them know -”

Lily wasn’t listening. She had only heard the first two words, and they didn’t seem to be quite processing in her brain at the moment. “Lestrange?” She repeated, twisting her ponytail around her finger. 

“Yeah. Apparently he got help from some of the guards on the inside. No trace.”

“What are we going to do?”

“McGonagall said to come home. It’s not safe for you anywhere until we find him, and we’ll have to get you a new identity and everything.”

Lily shook her head quickly. “I don’t … James, we can’t quit now. We are about to do -”

“Evans, we’ve been here for less than a month, it wouldn’t be that hard to pull out now, and we have enough warning to get you safe.”

“Are you serious? Is this not serious to you?”

“What? Evans, we’ve been here a month, and we haven’t accomplished anything. They can send in someone else to do the same job.”

“I already have the connections I need! Pulling out of the operation we just started would be pointless.” Lily’s voice was getting louder now, and she was fighting to control it. 

“So you want to just stay here when Lestrange _knows_ you’re the traitor who turned them all in? That will go just _fantastic_ for you.”

Lily stepped closer to him, waving a hand in the air. “ _Yes_.”

James spun away in disbelief. “You’re out of your mind.”

“Think about it Potter - if we stay, finish the delivery, maybe we can get some more intel that might push us over the edge. We can at least stay for that, right?”

James shook his head. “Do you really think McGonagall will let us?” 

Lily bit her lip, thinking fast. “We promise to leave the moment we suspect anything is wrong. They don’t know where we live, so we’ll keep it like that. We finish the delivery and leave. Lestrange and Rosier can’t move fast if they’re trying to hide. At the minimum, it’d be a couple days even if they drove straight here.”

“But he could call Ava or Sam.”

Lily buried her face in her hands, sitting on a stool at the counter. “I’m not giving up now - James - If we don’t stop this, I’m never gonna have a normal life again.”

James sat next to her, resting a comforting hand on her back. “Hey, Evans, I know a lot is gonna change, but I’m here to help ok?”

“You think this is all a game,” Lily muttered, shrugging his hand off. She stormed to the bathroom. As she stripped down to her clothes and jumped into the cool jet of water, she could feel herself start to break down. She put a hand over her mouth to stifle the noise, letting the water wash the sweat away. 

Nothing in her life was put together at the moment. She was about to lose her name, any contacts she had, her job, - her entire life was about to be completely erased. Lestrange and Rosier would never find her again. But neither would Marlene, Sirius, Remus, Peter, or even James. Despite their arguments, he wasn’t a bad roommate, and had been around to help her on multiple occasions. Her friends were the only thing she had left after her father died, and the thought of losing them all again was enough to make her break. 

When she emerged from the shower thirty minutes later, she realized she’d forgotten her clothes in the bedroom. She wrapped a towel tightly around her. James was sitting on the bed, checking his phone, and glanced up when he saw her. She blushed fiercely. Her face must have been red and blotchy from all the crying despite her best efforts. He stood up quickly, moving out of her way and rubbed his neck sheepishly. “Sorry Evans.”

After she was all dressed, she joined him in the living room. “I think we should invite Ava out for drinks at a club. Give us an excuse to see if she knows or not yet. Plus, it’s a public space, there’s less of a chance of something going wrong.”

James chewed on his lip for a moment, nodding slowly. “Tonight?”

Lily shrugged. “Why not?”

A few hours later, they were standing in the middle of a loud club. People were dancing all around them, and Lily was forced close to James. Not that she minded being next to a tall, toned man, but it was _James_ , so she pushed him away and looked for an empty booth to wait for Ava. 

They had just launched into a debate over whether or not remixes played at clubs were better than the original songs, when James spoke over her, making a motion with his hand for her to stop talking. Lily raised her eyebrows. “Potter, just -”

James held up a frantic hand. “Stop, Evans.”

She threw up her hands. “What is it with you and deciding that you can just -” There was a panicked look in his eye as he looked briefly over her shoulder. 

“For the love of - Evans, shut up.”

Lily finally closed her mouth and folded her arms angrily. “What?”

“Don’t look now… but I think Lestrange is in the corner.” He snuck another look over her shoulder and his eyes flicked back to her. Lily paled visibly when she saw the look in his eyes. 

“Fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“How the _fuck_ did he get here so soon? Is Rosier here?” Lily asked, putting her head in her hands. Potter swung back to the counter and pulled out his phone. “I’m texting McGonagall. We should leave. We can’t do anything until the police get here.”

“Has he noticed us yet?”

“I don’t want to risk looking again.” He slid his phone into his pocket. “We should get you out of here.”

Lily shook her head. “We have to identify him for the police - we can’t leave. He probably hasn’t even noticed us.”

James glanced at her, purposely avoiding the dark corner. “Evans, he’s alone, and somehow, at the same bar, at the same time as us. This isn’t a coincidence. I think someone tipped him off that we - you - were here.”

Lily bit her lip, then frowned. “I’m not letting him go.”

James glanced over his shoulder, then turned back to face her. He grabbed her hand and winked at her. “Fine. Just go along with it, yeah?” He maneuvered through the crowd and into a free booth on the opposite side of the club as Lestrange. Lily sat with her back to him, so that she would be less likely to be recognized. James flicked his eyes back towards the corner and suddenly glanced back at Lily. “Sorry.” 

He grabbed her quickly and pulled her into a kiss, his lips cold against hers. She tried to pull away, more than a little surprised, but he grabbed her and held her in place. He broke away for a second and seemed to smile. “He walked right by.”

Lily nodded and kissed him again, opening her eyes briefly. “He moved to the bar. He’s looking away now.”

James’ eyes flew open now, and she stared at them for a second, struck at the deep brown color. Lily considered kissing him again but shut the thought down quickly as Lestrange moved his head, looking her directly in the eyes - but only for a moment. Her heart skipped several beats. 

Lestrange stood up, walking towards the back door. “James, he’s leaving!” 

His eyes flashed towards the door. “What? Is that -” “Yes, now, move!” James slid out of the booth and dodged through people to get to the door, Lily close behind, neither of them running with a plan. 

They left the club and spotted him opening a car door. Glancing at each other, they took off running after him. Thoughts ran through Lily’s head, and she realized neither of them had a gun a second too late.

The car sped off into the night, gone without a trace. But there was a clear message. Lestrange was in Los Angeles, and he had the upper hand.

Lily leaned over onto her hands and knees. She was in shock. There was no way Lestrange would have known who she was if there wasn’t a traitor in the precinct. He had even known what club they were going to be at, thanks to Ava. They were no longer safe. 

By the time she had recovered, James was on the phone with McGonagall, pacing up and down the parking lot. “Yeah, yeah - no, he’s gone. Yeah, he saw us. He probably knows where we are living. Yeah, Ava must know, she probably tipped him off.” There was a long silence from his end of the line and she could hear McGonagall giving strict instructions. “Leave now? We want to help capture him -” 

“Hey guys!” A bright cheery voice floated through the parking lot. Ava strode towards them, waving brightly. James quickly muttered something to McGonagall and shut the phone off, greeting Ava. Lily tugged her top a little lower for Ava’s benefit, tossing her hair over her shoulder flirtatiously. James’ fingers drifted to the bare skin between her jeans and her top, sending sparks straight to her stomach and heart. Lily tried to calm her racing heart, pretending that it was only because of Lestrange, and not partly because of Potter’s dancing fingers. 

A few of Ava’s friends joined them a few minutes later on the dance floor. Nothing about them seemed amiss, but both James and Lily couldn’t help but watch everyone’s every movement, terrified that Lestrange would reappear. 

It was almost two a.m. when they emerged from the club, pretending to stumble over each other. Normally, Lily would have allowed herself to have a drink or two, but numbing her senses was the last thing she needed at the moment. Every nerve in her body stood on edge. As they said their drunken goodbyes to Ava, James dropped his head to whisper in her ear. His warm breath sent shivers down her spine, and he smirked against her as she shivered. Then he sobered. “I’m gonna call McGonagall again. She wants us to come home immediately, but you were right - we need to take down Lestrange and Rosier first.”

James pulled away slightly, but his breath still tickled her ear. She turned to him, lips inches apart. “And how are we going to do that?” He glanced back over his shoulder as Ava finally got into her car, and thrust a hand in his hair. Lily grabbed his hand, going on her tiptoes to whisper back into his ear. “I got an idea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> find me on tumblr @jilyss - I'll be posting snippets throughout the week and I post every Sunday! also i love literally EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOU WHO HAS LEFT A REVIEW. It keeps me going and I love you all SO much <33


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a quick piece from the last chapter since it's been a while: James pulled away slightly, but his breath still tickled her ear. She turned to him, lips inches apart. “And how are we going to do that?” He glanced back over his shoulder as Ava finally got into her car, and thrust a hand in his hair. Lily grabbed his hand, going on her tiptoes to whisper back into his ear. “I got an idea.”

The motel was small and dingy. They didn’t exactly have access to their bank accounts while undercover, and since they had been provided an apartment, they didn’t get much of a budget. They couldn’t risk going home to get their things while it was still dark, so they opted for a cheap motel to stay the night. And since there was a traitor in the police force, alerting McGonagall to their location or what their plans were could possibly make this situation even worse.

The instant they walked into the room, empty handed and exhausted, Lily just tossed her shoes off, slipped out her jeans, and collapsed on the bed. James walked out of the bathroom a moment later, stopping dead when he saw her barely clothed, sprawled out across the bed. “Er… Lily?”

“Stop looking Potter, I’m not about to spend a night in jeans.” She rolled away from him, leaving his side of the bed empty. “Night.”

He laughed quietly and turned off the light. “Night, Evans.”

XXX

Lily’s alarm went off at six am as planned, although she had been awake for the past three hours. She had slept for barely an hour, but she had awoken at every sound in the creaky motel, or everytime James shifted in his sleep. The creaky sounds of the motel and the sound of cars driving by haunted her relentlessly as every possible scenario of what Lestrange might do to them had floated in and out of her brain.

After James and Lily had eaten an unpleasant breakfast in the lobby, they checked out of the motel and drove back to their apartment. If they were going to get Lestrange, they needed any information they could get, and it was all stored on their laptops. 

As they pulled into the driveway, Lily jumped out of the car, gun in hand. James waited just outside the door, gun at the ready, as she checked each room and closet in the house. Once it was all clear, she grabbed backpacks, first stuffing it with their laptops, paperwork, and anything else that if it ended up in the wrong hands, would be very, very bad. It had only been a few minutes, so she tossed in a pair of clothes for both of them, and ran out of the door. 

James followed her back to the car, checking every corner for an intruder. When they were out of the neighborhood, Lily let out a sigh of relief. So far, they hadn’t been spotted. 

It was an odd feeling driving through the suburban streets. Everyone else was having a normal day - it was sunny, an Ed Sheeran hit was playing on the radio, and kids were walking to school. James and Lily on the other hand, were watching every car and every sudden movement carefully, fearing for their lives. 

They parked in a Walmart parking lot and used their phones to create a hotspot, climbing in the back to avoid curious looks from passersby. Together, they went through each known Lestrange contact - in large part thanks to Lily - narrowing down options of where he might be. 

It was nearly lunchtime when James tipped his chair back, groaning in frustration. “We could wait outside of any of these houses for months and not get anywhere. There’s gotta be something else we can do.”

Lily propped her feet on the window, staring up at the faded gray ceiling. She had one more idea, but James wasn’t going to like it. “We could try… one more thing.”

James shifted so he could see her. “Why do I think I’m not going to like this idea?”

Lily chewed her lip, staring out into the parking lot. An idea was slowly forming in her mind, and she knew James wasn’t going to like it. “What if… What if I went to see Ava?”

“ _What?_ ” James spluttered, sitting up so fast he hit his head on the ceiling. “Out of all the contacts we have, sitting outside of Ava’s house is our best bet _because_ Lestrange would be there. You want to just walk in and say “Hey Lestrange, hope you forgot how I turned you over to the police?” 

Lily took a minute to phrase her sentence correctly. “Yeah, that’s what I’m saying. We could… If Ava’s there, I say I want to see Lestrange. I could say that Riddle wanted me to infiltrate the precinct, and so I was forced to save you, and turn him in so that I would be trusted.”

“And how do you know he’s gonna listen to that?” James said, still angry.

Lily shrugged. “No idea. Give me a minute to think.” James tried to argue again, but she gave him a pointed look and he fell silent. A few minutes later, James cleared his throat, watching Lily in deep thought, arms crossed and brow furrowed. “Hey… Evans?”

“Mm.”

“Is this gonna be a problem trying to find Rosier?”

“Uh… what do you mean?” 

James fumbled for the words to rephrase his question. “Did you… like - I mean, not that you would -”

“You mean… did I _like_ him? Like, _like_ him?”

“I meant uh… you don’t have to answer but, did he ever… ever uh… force himself on you?” 

Lily bit her lip and looked at the floor. She was surprised he had even thought to ask, but it was important information if they were going to find him. Rosier wasn’t her favorite person, but faking it for so long with one person sometimes played mind games with you, and she didn’t know how to explain that. “Not… exactly. He wasn’t the greatest, I mean, if I hadn’t been undercover, I never would have… been with him in a million years, he was a chauvinistic pig, but it made a good cover. I wouldn’t have had half the information if I hadn’t made that connection.”

“So, this isn’t going to be weird or anything?” James said, rubbing the back of his neck.

Lily let out a short laugh. “Oh, it’s definitely going to be weird, and if you really want to know, yeah, we slept together.” She turned to look at him, and to her surprise, he was watching her intently. “Is that gonna be a problem for you?”

“Funny Evans, but I’m a professional.” He shrugged. “You did what you had to do.” Lily’s eyes suddenly burned, and she looked back at her laptop. _You did what you had to do._ So much had happened because she had _done what had to be done_. If she hadn’t gone undercover, she would have a family, possibly a father, a secure life ahead of her, and she wouldn’t be stuck living in a tiny car with James Potter in Los Angeles. But she had done what needed to be done, and here she was. 

They fell silent again, the only sound coming from the radio playing from the front seat. “Our only option is going to Ava or go home. Everything else is impossible or impractical.”

“What if you see Rosier? You told Ava you broke up with him.”

Lily had completely forgotten about that bit. Stumped, she repositioned herself so that her legs were laying across James’. “Ava did cheat on her boyfriend more than a few times when I was with her. So… if I see Rosier, I’ll just pretend like it’s a one-time thing?” She trailed off. James pushed her legs off of him, pulling her up to look at him directly. “Is that going to be a problem for you?” His eyes were serious, and she could tell that if there was any other way to fix this, he wouldn’t allow her to do this.

Lily rolled her eyes, her voice mocking. “I’m a professional, Potter. I’ll be fine.” His face was mere inches from hers, and his eyes were staring intently at her. 

“This is easily the worst idea I’ve ever heard. Everything hinges on _if_ you can get two separate people to believe that you’re not a traitor, even though you literally turned one of them into the police.” _An accurate summary,_ Lily thought. “But you can do it only if… only if you promise to take a gun and a wire with you. It’s the least you can do. And I’m coming in guns blazing with a police squadron if you don’t come out within two hours. And then as soon as you’re outside, we’re calling in the big guns. We get the intel first, find the traitor, and we’re out.”

Lily had honestly expected more of a fight from him, and raised an eyebrow. When it really did seem like he had nothing more to say, she nodded and leaned back, finally putting some space between them. 

XXX

Twenty minutes later, James parked in front of Ava’s house. From the outside of the house, everything was normal. Lily took a deep, shuddering breath, tucking her gun and the wire into her pocket, making sure there was no obvious lump in her pocket. She was still wearing her jeans and cropped top from last night, along with her black heels. She took a second to clean up her face, then turned to James, who looked like he was going to stop her from going any second. “Hey, I’m gonna be fine. I’ve done worse things than this. Just, tell my… family I still love them ok? And James…” She swallowed hard. They hadn’t started out as best of friends, but he had helped her through a lot. There was a lot to say, but she couldn’t even begin to form the right words for it. “Thanks for your support. I mean it.” She moved to climb out of the car, but James grabbed her hand quickly. “Be safe, okay?”

Lily nodded. Then she unlocked the door, and stepped out onto the sidewalk.

When Ava’s door opened, Lily waved quickly. Lestrange stood at the doorway, hand on a gun. He pointed it directly at her. “Lily Evans. So glad we could meet again.”

Lily flashed a smile, holding up her hands. “Glad to see you got out, Lestrange. Is Ava here?”

“She’s out of town,” he snarled. He eyed the car parked outside momentarily, then gestured with the gun. “Come inside.”

As Lily entered, she asked another question. “Is Rosier here as well?”

Ava pulled Lily inside, shutting the door firmly behind her. Lestrange rested the barrel of the gun on Lily’s forehead, the cold metal indenting her skin. “You have twenty seconds to explain why I shouldn’t put this bullet directly into your brain.”

Lily flashed him another coy smile, as if she had an inside joke he wasn’t apart of. Hoping she was giving off the image of nonchalance, she launched into her rehearsed story. “Riddle wanted me to be a spy in the police precinct. He needed an inside man to feed him information. He knew he had a traitor on his side, but he couldn’t figure out who. So, I was the bait sent to the police. I was too late to track the traitor though, and he and everyone else ended up in jail. The precinct thought I was giving them good information - but I was the reason why the capture was later rather than sooner,” Lily talked with an air of indifference, doing her best to keep her voice steady. “I needed them to trust me, which is why I stopped you from killing that cop. He was a complete ass though - wish I could have let you finish the job.”

Lestrange stared her down. She didn’t blink, unwavering. This was the crucial moment in their mission and she wasn’t about to back down. 

Lestrange lowered the gun, clicking the safety back on. Lily dropped her hands to rest in her back pockets, letting out a slow, shaky breath. “How did you escape, anyway?” She started to ask, when Rosier walked into the room. His face had a fresh, long scar down one side, but otherwise, looked the exact same as he had almost six months ago. A dark look passed over him, eyes glinting dangerously. He crossed his arms and motioned for Lestrange to leave them alone. Grabbing her arm painfully tight, he pulled her upstairs into a gray bedroom, decorated with potted plants.

Her back hit a wall painfully as he pressed her backwards. Normally, he wasn’t aggressive or demanding, but she was guessing Ava had filled him on on their ‘breakup’. She was too afraid to smile, so instead, she rearranged her features into a neutral expression. Rosier took a finger and dragged it from her waist up to her chin. She shivered as his cold finger trailed over her bare skin. “So we broke up?” He whispered, voice low and husky. “I wasn’t aware of that.”

Lily lifted her chin, flashing her eyes, and giving him a look that she knew made him weak in the knees. “I thought you were in jail for life. I moved on.”

“Moved on?” He pressed a kiss along the nape of her neck, sucking lightly. “Engaged?”

Lily flipped her hair over her shoulder, pretending his lips didn’t have an effect on her. Which they didn’t, but in general, lips against your skin was hard to ignore. 

“You never even tried to contact me.” He moved down her neck, rubbing his fingers over her hips, up her stomach. She tried to focus and keep her disgust hidden. “I was trying to help Riddle.”

He tugged on her waistband. His fingers felt the gun tucked in, but his kissing didn’t stop. “Still following your own habits huh?” He pulled the gun out, throwing it onto the bed. Lily still kept her eyes open, watching him carefully. She couldn’t tell if he believed her or not yet. “Why did you come back?”

Lily moved a hand to rest on his abdomen, tracing patterns with her fingers. This wasn’t exactly how she had expected this to go, but she went for it anyways. _I can be professional_ , she thought briefly, imagining James’ laugh as he said those words. “One last time?”

Rosier pulled away. A slow smile spread across his face as his fingers slipped into the front of her jeans. And in an instant, she knew she was caught. He pulled out the wire attached to the small microphone from her waistband, dangling it in front of her face. “Working for Riddle still?” 

Lily lunged for the gun on the bed, but his fist caught her hair, slamming her onto the floor. She rolled towards the wall, using her legs to lift herself back up. Rosier was reaching for the gun, but she placed a well aimed kick into his stomach, and he doubled over. Lestrange burst into the room, a self-satisfied grin on his face, joining the one sided fight. With two men each double her size, she was on the floor in moments, blows raining down on her. It was mere minutes until she was overtaken by the pain that wracked her body and slipped into a black dream. 

XXX

When Lily woke up, it took her several minutes to pry open her eyes, despite the dim lighting. Every muscle in her body throbbed, and her leg was spread awkwardly in front of her. She was lying on a cold, cement floor that smelled of rat droppings and mold. The small room was only dimly lit by a flickering bulb hanging from a string. 

She slowly sat up, awkwardly propping herself up with her cuffed hands. Her head ached, and she could feel dried blood on her the side of her face. Her lip was swollen, her hair was falling in her face, and she felt like her entire body had been smashed to bits. The walls felt like they were closing in as her heart seemed to slow to nothing, throbbing in her stomach. It had to have been over two hours, and James was nowhere to be found. 

She was alone. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again I love you all for reviewing and supporting me! :) please leave a comment/kudos!


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for how long it took to update, things have been a little busy! this chapter (finally) answers some big questions :)

Lily had no idea how much time had passed before Lestrange returned. The hours had dripped by slowly. Her pain was throbbing, and at times she felt like she couldn’t breathe when a new wave washed over her. 

When Lestrange emerged from the door, he was alone, holding only a gun. “Long time no see, my darling _Lily Evans_.” 

Lily said nothing, watching his every move with cold eyes. She had no idea what kind of game Lestrange was playing. This wasn’t his style. Normally, Lestrange didn’t drag things out - he liked quick, efficient pain. The fact that he hadn’t killed her already meant that he had a different motive, and Lily could only guess to what it was. “How do you know my name?” Lily demanded. 

“Secrets Lily, are good to have. Did you really think you could fool everyone for another undercover mission?” Lily said nothing, not even able to muster up feelings of stupidity. Of course she should have known better, but she was too headstrong, as always, and didn’t think it through before she’d gotten herself too deep. Lestrange continued. “My darling cousin Ava thought it was odd when you showed up on her doorstep and sent me a note. And you couldn’t even hide your wire from Rosier. Pathetic,” He spat, spittle flying over Lily’s face. 

“What do you want with me?” Her voice was flat, hollow, and uncaring.

Lestrange just shook his head. “You’re going to be here a long time. You put sixteen people in jail, including Rosier and I. And they each want to see you.” He squatted so he was eye level. “Hope you enjoy your stay.” His foot swung back and then into her stomach. She doubled over writing, agonizing pain spiking through her body, amplifying her other injuries. He slammed a fist down onto her head, and she fell back into the stars.

XXX 

She had lost all track of time by the time she had awoken, unable to even guess the day. She was starving, her stomach rumbling loudly in the empty room. Every inch of her was on fire, and her thoughts weren’t coherent. She couldn’t focus on anything, or formulate any sort of plan. She tried to think about anything other than her situation. Thoughts of her family were too painful, thoughts of James made her anxious, so she did her best to think about her last conversations with each of her friends. 

Slowly, her mind woke up, becoming clearer as time passed, although the pain didn’t lessen. Eventually, her thoughts drifted to James. She was worried about him. He would have parked within a few blocks of Ava’s house, and unless Lestrange had caught him, he would have brought the police to the house, meaning that Lily had been moved to a different location. A rescue was near impossible, at least any time soon. 

Lily hoped James was safe. They had become close over the last month, despite their differences. He had been there for her when she was at her worst when her father died, he had been there for with Petunia, and he had provided silent support for her while on the mission. When she had first met him, she would have never expected him to be so caring. Even though he was an arrogant know it all, he was also a steady, kind partner, and she was wrong to not realize it sooner. 

_When I get out of this_ , Lily thought numbly. _I’ll take him out to dinner as a thank you._ She didn’t let herself think about what would happen if she didn’t get out. 

XXX

It must have been hours later until she heard another noise from outside the room. A single gunshot, followed by pounding footsteps. 

Lestrange burst in the room, breathing hard, followed by Rosier. The door swung widely behind them, and she could see a long grey hallway. FBI agents stormed down the hall, dressed head to toe in black clothing, guns trained on the two men.

Lestrange and Rosier hoisted her up. Rosier clamped a hand over her mouth, and Lestrange put a gun to her head. She tried to protest, but Rosier clamped his other hand on her bruised shoulder, and her muffled cry of pain rang around the room. Her back arched as she tried to stop the pain and get away from her two captors, but Rosier clenched his fist tighter around her shoulder, and she forced herself to hold still. 

The police officers filed into the room, more cautiously now that Lily was in danger. 

“No one move,” Lestrange snarled, shaking Lily roughly. A low cry of pain ripped from her as her ribs jostled. James walked into the room, wearing a bulletproof vest, pointing a gun squarely at Lestrange’s forehead. His face was set in stone, not glancing once at Lily. Lily had never seen him so angry. He gestured toward the ground with his gun, eyes never leaving the criminals. “Drop her.”

“I don’t think so.” Lestrange took a step forward, dragging Lily and Rosier with him. James stood his ground, his stance indicating that he had no intention of moving. Lily couldn’t stop watching him. No matter how this turned out, he had come back for her, and that thought alone gave her some relief. 

“There’s no win for you in this situation Lestrange. Drop her, and I’ll get ten years off your sentence.” James met her eyes for one brief second before returning to Lestrange, but his eyes gave no hint to what he was thinking. 

“This little _whore_ -” Lestrange shook her roughly. “- is the reason for my time in jail. Do you think we can just forget that?”

Lily knew there wasn’t a good way out of this. Lestrange was shaking with rage next to her, and James couldn’t let Lestrange walk free. This was a no-win situation for everyone, unless she was able to get an advantage. 

Lily turned to Rosier, forcing tears into her eyes. Even if _she_ hadn’t been in love with him, Rosier had almost certainly had some sort of feelings for her. He met her eyes, and she immediately felt a slight release of pressure against her mouth from his hand. He tried to look away, but she caught his eyes again. He moved his hand away, hovering an inch away. Lestrange and James continued to talk, trading jabs and bribes. 

“Please,” Lily whispered. His eyes flickered, and his other hand loosened. A loud shot from Lestrange made Rosier’s eyes flare violently. He shook his head and he tightened his grip again. But he hadn’t covered her mouth again, hand still hovering just an inch away. Lily knew she had one final shot. She let a tear slip out. It was real, although it was from how absolutely terrified she was. His other hand loosened imperceptibly again, and Lily seized her chance.

She picked up her legs completely, letting all her weight fall onto the two men holding her. At the same time, she drove her handcuffed hands up at Lestrange’s arm holding the gun. The gun went off, just barely missing her. She distantly heard another shot from one of the FBI agents, and shouting from all corners. Lestrange scrambled to point the gun at Lily again, but Rosier had lost his grip in the chaos and she used her body weight to kick Lestrange’s legs from under him. He fell on top of her, pinning her to the ground, gun still in hand. Another gunshot came from the direction of the agents and Rosier, somewhere to her left, cried out in pain. Lestrange twisted sharply, putting an elbow in her stomach and a gun to her forehead again. 

Lily cursed, dropping her head to rest on the cold ground, breathing under the heavy weight. It was over. If Lestrange didn’t shoot her now, he would take her with him wherever to guarantee his safety. 

Carefully keeping the gun pointed at her, Lestrange rolled off of her, gesturing for her to get up. As she started to move, he pointed the gun at her arm, firing a single shot. A scream ripped from her throat as the bullet tore through her skin, sending hot flashes of pain throughout her whole body. “That’s if you try anything again.” He jabbed the gun at her forehead. Her ribs and arm screaming in pain, she got up, dizzy and disoriented. Her eyes were foggy and everything in sight was swimming. She could make out Rosier huddled on the ground with six agents surrounding him. 

Lestrange threw his head back, laughing at Potter’s look of pure murder. “Out of my way,” He screamed, spit flying everywhere. The agents in front of the doorway parted quickly. “If you follow me, she will be dead faster than you can say ‘Evans’,” he yelled, breathing hard. 

James, still blocking the door, swallowed hard, lowered his gun, and stepped to the side, unable to meet Lily’s eyes. Lestrange grabbed Lily’s uninjured arm, dragging her stumbling steps out the door, down the hallway and into the bright sunlight. She blinked rapidly, trying to clear the foggy filter in her brain and adjust to the light. More agents stood outside, guns trained on them, but at a word from James they stepped to the side. 

She glanced back at the doorway. James was standing helplessly at the door, hands dropped to his sides. His lips moved, trying to say something, but Lily couldn’t make it out, eyes going blurry. Lestrange shook her roughly, causing her to stumble on the rough sidewalk. She tumbled to the ground, handcuffed hands out to brace herself. Gunshots filled the air again. She had no idea if it was from Lestrange or the police, but the next thing she knew, Lestrange had let go of her. She stayed low, twisting her head to try to see what was happening. 

Lestrange was running backward, shooting rapidly at the police who were following. He ducked behind a large black SUV, firing off one last round before jumping in the car. In a second, he was racing down the residential streets. Agents and police followed after, zooming by in a mix of lights and blaring sirens. Lily closed her eyes. It was over now - and she had somehow survived. 

“Lily!” Her eyes fluttered back open. James was standing a few feet away, eyes wide in disbelief. Slowly, she pulled herself and took a stumbling step towards him, and in seconds James was at her side, reaching in his belt to find the key for her handcuffs. He quickly undid them, then stood back, as if he didn’t know what to say or do. Lily’s mind cleared for a moment, and she dove into James’ arms, wrapping herself tightly around him. 

Surprised, it took him a second to respond. His strong arms slid over her back, carefully avoiding her numerous injuries. One hand slid to stroke her hair as a shuddering sob wracked her body. “Evans, you’re safe now. Everything’s gonna be okay,” He whispered into her ear. He pressed a light kiss to her forehead. His voice was soothing, and Lily took a deep breath, finally feeling safe with his strong arms surrounding her. For a brief moment, her pain seemed to lessen.

A paramedic approached, calling Lily back into reality. Lily pulled away, her head swimming, accompanied with overwhelming pain again. Surprisingly, her face was dry. Instead of tears, it was covered in relief. James reluctantly released her, still holding onto one of her hands, moving out of the way so that Lily could be loaded onto a stretcher. 

**Author's Note:**

> hope you liked, leave a kudos/review and I will love you forEVER :)))


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